Days with me.

2010-08-13T19:22:00.002+08:00

I have been waiting for you, BREAK!
I miss you like, SO MUCH! ♥♥♥♥♥♥

This is the first time when a semester coming to an end and I am not feeling sad or not even a little unhappy. Is not weird at all, is either I just get used to RP system or I am just sick of having 4 different classes. Either way, whatever.
3 Weeks of break and it will be UT 3. So these 3 weeks I am going to spend the 1st week preparing all my notes and 3rd week to study it. 2nd week is rot at home, watching US/ Korea series or go my aunt office work. $30 for 12 hours is better than rot at home right?

Anyway, these days I get mood swing easily.
I can be so happy now and the next second I am emo. I have been thinking a lot.
These days I feel so reluctant to go to church or basic. Why?

I feel so lonely there, people there got their own clique, I am like one extra one there. last, last week most of them not going to basic because they are got FOP and no one told me! They didn’t ask me whether I want to join them a not too. I feel so left out. even at RP with 4 different classes I don’t feel this bad. I am thinking of changing church but I really do like ARPC. I think they focus on the right thing, which is God. I am not saying that other churches are not focusing on God, but they focus on materialistic.

SHE asked me to try going to her church. She said they are very bonded, they hang out together, chill together and it was very fun with them. So I went to their website and this is what I found out.

I am confuse God, it just don’t feel right. My bible study leader is saying that we are all here just to learn God’s words. We are not having any fellowship with another which is wrong as we are brothers and sisters. Tsk. Having cliques here and there still said we are brothers and sisters?!

I don’t want to walk in darkness but where is the light?

2010-08-04T22:17:00.002+08:00

Praise God for giving me a lovely families and EVERYTHING else that I was given.
Thank God for giving me Mazlina in my life.
My family, cousins, uncle and aunty made my 19th birthday MEMORABLE!
It really felt nice and right to walk in the LIGHTNESS!

2010-07-27T21:47:00.010+08:00

Updates

This semester are coming to an end in 2 weeks time. I am so happy! :D
This is the first time changing new class and I’m happy about it.
I am so sick of having 4 different classes and those Hi Bye friends. I want my own class. But deep down my heart I might actually like having different class rather than having a class and knowing that 15 weeks later is good bye.

Last Saturday was BB Care event. We held the event at Woodlands Secondary.
I feel so dreads to go. But in the end I didn’t regret going! :D
It was a tiring day and I sweat a lot, but I was having fun. It has been a lot time since I sweat so much and really enjoy myself.

After since I left GB, I guess my life is only eat, study and sleep. I have spent life this way for 2 years! My first class in RP, W47J, changes the way I see life. After this class it was W16H. Both classes are filled with lovely people. I learn a lot from them and they make my life more vibrant. I love them so much. But the thing in RP is we are constantly changing and the time line is 15 weeks.

Anyway, Saturday event was a successful! It makes me thinks a lot. I come up with a, what should I call that? I don’t know, but I just want to remember it.

I am currently so obsessive with Lee Min Ho and Ryan Narciso. ♥♥♥

Lee Min Ho! After watching his latest drama, Personal Preference, I am so obsess with his smile. I watch Boys over flower again. The feeling of watching it the first time and second time is different. Watch it the 2nd times I think the 4 of them are so…

Ryan Narciso! I got no idea how I found his youtube video. He was amazing! I like some of the songs he sings. (Ok, Mazz thinks his singing suck) check his music out at youtube! Look for ryannarcisomusic

2010-07-07T19:20:00.001+08:00

Not going to complain about my life any more here. You are sick of it, so am I.

Anyway, in two weeks time, I am going to have an Adidas Sales Competition in RP. Come and support my team. My push cart will be selling Adidas bags!
I think the prices are definitely cheaper than the market, between the range of S$52 – S$90, so come and take a look. :)

There are footwear, clothes and other accessories as well in other push carts. We got a total of 12 push carts.

Adidas Sales Competition
Date: 23 to 29 July 2010
Start time: 9.30am End time: 4pm
Venue: Republic Polytechnic, South Agora

2010-06-29T15:12:00.002+08:00

I don’t seem to remember what happened yesterday, my memory were blurred, as if I can’t differentiate the line between reality and dream. JJ said I saw him that day, I even waved at him. But I don’t seem to remember any of it. I am not even consider as his friend, just a classmate, how would I see him outside of school and still call him?

Week 13th is coming SOON!
I am going to sell ADIDAS bags and wallets in RP. Which I am dreading to do so.
Ok, I am super nervous to do so.
This time is not promoting to those aunty in a shopping centre where I can use my broken English, is in RP. God, what I just get myself into!

The module chair is fierce, serious and super yaya papaya!
He already expects people not to go for the meeting, so he email us and said

“It is compulsory. If you fail to turn up please submit a 2 page report on why you were not able to come.”

2 pages?! He like threaten people to go.
Is not like, is HE IS FORCING PEOPLE TO ATTEND HIS MEETING!!

I am swimming in a deep pool for a while.
I am tired. I mean really tired.
So sick of school, UT is in, not even a week time.
This time I am not nervous at all.
Not that I am fully prepare, just that I think I am no longer like I used to be.
I got not discipline at all these days and my brain will just leave me anytime. Don’t laugh, I mean it.

I skip school today.
I got my reason.
Because I got to reach Suntec by 7.15am! WTF!
Which mean I got to go out of my house at 6am?! Screw you!

FYI , I partial twice last week and today. I am hopeless man.
I wake up at 9am and start revising Microeconomics before my brain left me again.
I read a bit of Market Sensing. And all of this left me drained out of energy.
So I am going to watch Metalist!

Ok, you might be wondering why I got the strength to watch tv but cannot study.
COME ON, I am not the good girl that only know how to study!
Truth is, the things I hate most in this life is RUNNIGN and STUDYING!!!

No mood! No mood! Boring! Boring! Life suck! Life Suck!

2010-06-23T22:37:00.001+08:00

It is on my conscience...
I am feeling guilty for all the bad thoughts that I have.
They don’t seem to go away but imprint in my heart.

I seriously cannot stand my mum snoring.
It has been nights that I woke up and 3am and I got to wait till 5am before I get to sleep again. The snoring really pisses me off so I chase my mum to sleep at next door. The reason why I was 19th and my mum still sleep with me is because she said she don’t want to switch on another air conditioner.

Now she is sleeping next door and she doesn’t want to switch on the air conditioner. Tonight she switches it on because my dad came home and my cousins staying overnight.
My dad didn’t come home just because he wants to.
He came home because yesterday I called him to. I felt guilty for asking my mum to sleep next door alone so I called him. And he asked me “why can’t you be more considerate? She snores because she is really tired mah. ”

What the fuck?! Ok, fine, I am selfish. I think only of myself ok.
I only care about whether I get enough sleep.
I care only about my dark circle.
So what? Let me alone.

And guess what, my dad came home and my mum got to kb because my grandma was complaining that her whole body was aching. FYI, she had seen a lot of doctors, we have bought her to skin specialist. She got many creams to apply, medicine to take and also special formulated body wash. And you know what, she throw the medicine away! She didn’t apply the cream, she rub her skin using her handkerchief when her skin was itchy. She can rub until her skin torn and bleed. Then she will say she want to see doctor again. Come on, you throw the medicine away, if not you didn’t continue to take your medicine consistency and you rub your skin. Of course it will only get more serious each day.

And when my mum went market, my grandma will call her son, which is my uncle. She will call and cried, complaining that her skin is super itchy and she cannot take it already. I am thinking whether she made it worse because she wants her son to visit her? You know those shows, the old people always like that seeking attention from their children.

I told my dad that I am damn piss with my mum and my grandma.
And he told me that this is a serious problem. He said he has an aunt, last time she also like that keep complaining itch then her daughter hit her using hanger then one day she go jump off a building committing suicide.

This is really scary man.
I watch too many CSI and Criminal Minds.
I am starting to get paranoid again. tsk...Whatever...
I got too much stuff to worried now.

My next UT is in 2 weeks time, which is 6 July 2010!
I totally got no mood to study. I don’t even have the strength, mentally I am tired and I mean damn tired. I got not enough time because I get tired too easily.
Weekends I am going basic, church and bible study.
I won’t skip that because I think that exams and learning God’s word are equally important. God and academic are all part of life. If I spend all day studying and forgetting God, I don’t think I will be blessed.

2010-06-15T21:06:00.006+08:00

This is something I read from someone blog and i would like to share with you, here.

“One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded & missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, ‘why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!’

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck’. He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they will dump it on you. Don’t it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well and move on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so LOVE the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t. Life is 10% what you make it and 90% of how you take it! “

Hmm, after reading this, I think the person that running around full of garbage is my today module that facilitator. Pray for the ones who don’t treat me right? I wonder how I should pray for her. Pray that she will stop picking on my team or pray that my team will do better next time so that she got nothing to pick on us?

I know I should not have any hated feelings towards her, but I just can’t help it because the moment I starts presenting her face gone black! I find it really hard to please God.
I KNOW all about the right thing to do, but I just don’t FEEL that. :(
And you know what.
The sin is GREATER when you KNOW what you need to do and you don’t DO it. FML!

Anyway, second day of school after 2 weeks break, another class but they are talking about FIFA. I know nothing about it man. I can’t understand why there are so many people love to watch a ball kick around by so many guys.
Haha..i will only watch it if the guys are hunks. :)

Oh my god. I was chatting with Mazz I told her that the moment I present the faci face gone black. And she didn’t even ask me why instead she asked me:

Sad lor.. Am I that kind of student that always talk back to teacher? Tsk. Am I?!
I admit I talk back. But I am not trying to deny the truth.
I am only trying to stop her from continue insisting on what she think is of us.
Whatever, I hate her. I will never like her even if she gives me an A.

We are in ship doing our own stuff. And this ship has taken us far away from the memories, from the people who care if live or die. We are chasing a starlight, which we will be chasing until the end of our lives. I wonder if it is worth it anymore. My friends are fading away. There are nothing for me to hold on.

2010-06-13T00:56:00.011+08:00

A movies marathon for me this week before school starts next week.
Well, it will start on Monday which is in, hmm, one more day. Two weeks just gone.
Yeah, I wasted these two weeks, so what? Life seems to be too long for me.
Anyway, guess what, I just get to know that tomorrow is Sunday and yes, it is Father’s day. I can’t remember what I get for my dad last year, if I’m not wrong his birthday on January, I didn’t get him anything too. So, hmm, this is me.

I finished watching a Korean drama. Mazz said is the latest.
And I like that Korean guy, Mazz said he called, wait, I google now. LEE MIN HO.
I will remember his name now, oh my god, his smile. LEE MIN HO.
He is so charming that he can take my breath away. :)

I watched Twilight again and continue New Moon. Shiok!
I am so in love with Twilight Saga.
When Sandra returns New Moon, I am going to read all the series again. :)

Only books can help to take my mind away from this world, at least a while.
Of course, movies got the same effect as well, so more movies please. :)
I can finished a series of drama in two days, so is freaking fast and US series is so irritating, you got to wait like half a year for the next season and I can finish a season in two or maybe three days.
I am waiting for Eclipse now.
I hope I can watch it on June 30 in Singapore!
Singapore movie system is... I always got to wait longer to catch the movie I want. :(

I am chatting with Nisa, she is from one of the classes I have.
She asked me what I would like to work as in the future.
Hmm, future, I guess it is just in two years time or maybe even less than that.
Oh god, my career. I have been thinking about it, but I am just so hopeless. I am dreamless, I don’t know what I want other than money, money and still MONEY.

So don’t talk about anything else with me other than MONEY.
Don’t ask me why I see money so importantly. It is ESSENTIAL man.
This world is so realistic that don’t think about anything if you don’t have any cash.
What a sad life we have.

Here comes my favourite line, “don’t take life too seriously as you never get out alive...”

Anyway, tomorrow I will be going to my aunt place for dinner.
FYI is my father side relative. Not that I don’t like. I just know that it will be boring.
I just know that it will be boring. It will be like, you know, you go to school just for the sake going to school, cause you know this is the right thing to do so and you know this will please God. So just go.

Super long update!

2010-05-30T21:05:00.007+08:00

I have not been going to Basic for two weeks.
I am to occupy with school work. I realise I work hard, but I still cannot see the result I want. In fact, I did more badly that I can imagine. Anyway, I went service today.
Yes, travel alone there. But I am meeting Shu En there, so I’m still ok with it.
I suppose if no one is going to attend service with me, then, you know, I think I will just get drifted away from God. So this is me. I need company. I need friends.
I can’t live without someone with me.

For your info, Shu En is my bible study leader.
We have a deal, which is every Sunday after service, we will stay back to do our own bible study. I believe this will help me to know more about God’s word. Reading the bible with someone also help me to better understand the gospel.
Currently we are looking at Colossian. Basic had just finished looking at Amos and they are going to have a break. Meaning the next Basic gathering will be at July.

I am finally having some break. Two weeks break! Shiok!
Don’t think I can get to relax the whole 2 weeks. I got one last UT when the school start. And that module is, both the module itself and the faci suck. I mean it. Ok, I will make the whole thing short. It was during one of my team presentation, she said one of my teammates, Sam slide, “where do you get this from?”,she said she do it herself.
But the faci continue, “why do you want to present what already being present?”.
What does she mean when she said “present what ALREADY being present?”

Sam got no choice but to admit that she discussed with her friends from another class. Then she said “so you are saying that your team is inefficient, that is why you want to discuss with your friends instead of them.” WTF!
This is the reason why I hate the faci. She go one round to shoot the whole team!!!
I was damn piss because we never present what is already being present!
We didn’t copy the 6P. I will admit if I really did copy ok.

Those who know me should know that I always have 6P, but did I copy?
Even if I did copy, I won’t copy blindly!! As in copy wholesale mah..
So I asked the faci back, “what do you mean we present what already being present? We really didn’t copy!” then she said “I never said you copy! You just don’t listen to instruction! You want to have perfect answer.”

What does she mean by that? I take someone slide, not copy, but because I want to have perfect answer?! Fuck you! Fuck you man!!

Tsk. Got to calm down. She is not worth for me to curse her.
Cursing her will only make me more sinful. Tsk, I just purely hate her and I just got to attend her lesson for another 7 lessons, full stop.
The worst thing is that the UT I am going to have after holiday is her module. Argh! Whatever, all my module already cui liao. So plus one more module, is still the same.
I still wishfully think that I can get my GPA higher than 3.0.
I got no idea what I am dreaming off. Face the reality man Jolyn Teng!

My mind is racing and it never stops.
Someone said before that when a man said that he has nothing on his mind, he means it, he has nothing. He is not thinking of anything, just nothing. But when a woman said nothing, I tell you, she is not telling the truth. Because a woman mind cannot have nothing! Woman mind are racing all the times, they are thinking about stuff, all the time. There will never be ‘nothing’ in there. So when you ask your girlfriend what they are thinking, don’t get fool when they say ‘nothing’.

You know I was wondering, why can a woman fall in love with a man younger than her?
I don’t think I can accept that. Why?
Because from what I know, God create Adam before creating Eve, so Adam is somehow older than Eve. It is known that Adam and Eve are partners. From what I know, God create a man and then he used his rib to create a woman. And this man and woman were made for each other. So how can a woman with a man that is younger than her?
Correct me if I am wrong, I just can’t figure it out.

My post is long right. Haha..
I have not been posting for like 1 or 2 weeks, of course I got so much to vent.
By the way, I got motion sickness. Meaning, I got to take the pill before I travel. Yes, pills again. You can never imagine how many pills I am taking. Pills for suppressing appetite, acne, motion sickness, etc. Here and there I will take Panadol Extra for headache or the green packing for bone and joint pain.
Hmm, there are so many chemical in me. I guess this are the reason why the 21st century people can’t live long. We take so much chemical compare to the olden days.

There are a lot more of stuff going on in my head.
Here are just a few that I really kept thinking about it.
Another thing I realise was that, all this while, I thought I have many friends. I mean friends that are really close. But this year, 2010, I face the fact that I don’t have friends at all. I can have so many friends, but actually I don’t have a space in their heart. This is what you call ‘hi-bye’ friends.

I got lots of ‘hi-bye’ friends. Which in fact didn’t make me feel proud of it, it just made me sad. How things changes, how people heart changes. It scares me.
Next time when I really want to put my true feelings into a friendship, I will think twice. God is quite fair to me actually.
At least during the dark moment, there is always someone there for me.
I should be content. I should be. However, somehow, my mouth said so but my heart thinks otherwise.

There are other things I realise I haven do yet, and I want to do it.
1. Can you believe I have not been to Ion or Illuma? Seriously, I didn’t go there yet.
2. I never have been to Paris, so I didn’t get to see the Eiffel tower.
3. I haven see the statue of David yet. (Picture of course I see before lah)
4. I never see a mountain before. Neither do I see any snow.
5. Other than my father, I didn’t receive any flowers from any guy yet.
Shit! There are so so many things I haven see.

2010-05-12T18:23:00.002+08:00

Is the 5th week of school, I am tired. And I mean really tired. :(
There are many things to do and I got not much time. I am so stress.
There are a lot to catch up, lots of notes to prepare meaning lots of revision. And Saturday I got basic. I can’t skip basic as I need to spare some of my time for God. Praying to him here and there is not enough I guess.

I love all my modules and class. :)
There will be people I dislike, but come to do preparation for meeting 3, that is another story. I am not the only one that is good at acting. (I just realise!) I am still changing classes daily. The only different is that I won’t get any close friends. But thank God, I got Mazz and Fadz.

Something I found out about myself is that I can do stuff alone. :)
I can manage to present with my own script and I can memorise them!
I can study myself too. (Of course with my BBF, Google)
This is something I am proud of. ;)

Anyway, here is the reason why I am posting.
At the 3rd meeting today, I am supposed to project my team presentation using wired. When I plug the wired in, my laptop went blank! And it was hanging.
Since said she will help us project, so fine, I plug out and leave my laptop on my table first. After my team present, it was Dennis’s team next. He was using wired too as he wanted to show us some video. He plug the wired but nothing was projected, suddenly there was SMOKE coming out his laptop and I can smell the “chao tar” smell because he laptop was in front of me. Immediately the girl beside me and me move far away.

Oh my god, we all thought it was going to explode! SMOKE leh!
Is like what you see on cartoon when a machine spoiled, then BOOM with SMOKE!
Only now there is no BOOM. But it was scary enough.
I feel so “heng”. It should have been my laptop if I didn’t plug out the wired sooner or later. We called the school technician. Guess what she said?

She said she will check is it the wired was at fault.
I don’t understand why Dennis can be so calm. He didn’t complain or what. Nic said this is the different between a man and a woman mindset. ????
If me...... you know what I will do...

I SWEAR I AM GOING TO COMPLAIN TILL I GET A NEW LAPTOP!

Anyway, there won’t be any posting until after exam I guess, as I got to study, study and still STUDY!
No life.

2010-04-30T19:06:00.001+08:00

I love today class, the lesson and my classmates, thanks for sharing a nice day with me. I am still not very happy about my grades. Maybe is just the first week of school and the first week of my transfer. But I know these were just excuses. I am always full of excuse. I got things to do and times are short. I guess I am just looking for excuses not to go BASIC. I understand I need to know more about God, I need to spend time knowing His words. Most of the part me just find it so dread to do so.

2010-04-27T20:52:00.002+08:00

I have been to my five classes for all my five modules of SOH.
And I hate my Monday and Tuesday modules.
Firstly, the module itself suck, so many pre reading need to be read and understand before lesson. You need a huge brain for doing that and you know what I don’t have that size of brain. Secondly, the people in that is even sucker.
I took not even half a day to see their true colour!

Come on, I am not those slacker year 2 that come to your class and did nothing but slack whole day! I’m not smart but I work hard what else do you want?
FUCK YOU! I am damn piss!
The worse presentation I ever did, I guess that apply to all of you right?
I got only conclusion! What the hell is this?!

I got expectation of others of course I got expectation for myself too.
I can’t stand myself keep getting C.
I don’t want to be those bitches that go class use msn, facebook and at third meeting crap a bit then get B.

Before changing, Haresh told me that it is very difficult to make any friends because I am changing class daily. And I get to see them only once a week.
I understand that. I thought I already get myself prepare for that, but I am not.
I am not.

There is no point trying to hide it, I know you will say “I told you so”.

I got a PIG brain.

2010-04-26T21:27:00.004+08:00

I got an A for Strategic Thinking Skill.
I am so surprise that I can get an A for my first SOH module!
I think I can get more A in SOH rather than in SAS.
I just need to read the pre reading and get my brain to understand.
And you know what?
This is the toughest things to do.

Today module is the sucker!
Not only has the module sucked the facilitator too.
I never come across such demanding facilitator before. She is so %@&!@#!!
Her RJ criteria is must have introduction, minimum 2 body points and conclusion. What the hell! She want reflection in a composition way?
Thank God, I only got one facilitator which is so...

I can’t even do my RJ and when I asked Haresh for help.
Hmmm, is him really that pro or what?
He is from SAS and he can do a SOH RJ? What the hell is that?!
I have been starting at the question for like 30 minutes?
And he just told me what to write in... I felt so ashamed.

I am hoping that tomorrow lesson will be fun, classmates are friendly and the facilitator is some like Miss Fung.
Most importantly I need a brain.

Am I asking too much?

2010-04-23T20:58:00.001+08:00

What can I say about today?
Up and down, I am so sick of riding this roller coaster.
I am happy today as my class is fun and somehow I don’t have to present today.
3 days in a row I don’t have to present. Thank God for that.
So far I have only get to see my 3 classes.
2 classes are the classmates, so that good.
However there are two more modules I have not been to, so maybe this two are two different classmates. Anyway, there are still many pre reading to catch up.

Life is mundane.
Routine that I get so used to that I will forget the meaning of life.
Hmm, meaning of life?
The roller coaster I ride today went down a lot of times.
Before 2nd break today, I was thinking who I can have lunch with.
Mazz, Haresh , Calvin and Zul didn’t came to school today. So who else can I go lunch with? Gees, I thought I have many friends?
True, I got lots of friends, but close friends, not much.
Well, so here is a point for you to take note of, if you are not going to be with always, then don’t walk into my life. Cause when you walk out of my life, god this is fucking hurt!

I saw him today and he smiles at me.
Gees, that smile can make my heart beat twice faster. :)
I thought I like his smile and nothing more than that. But why do I feel so piss of when I saw him laughing with other girls.
Lucky I will never be in the same class as him, I will go mad.
That were many smiles I saw that I thought will be mine.
The more I think about it, the faster it went away.
I didn’t tell those smiley face how I feel and I wonder why I can’t be truthful.

Die on Earth with MARS?!

2010-04-22T21:26:00.006+08:00

My second days in SOH, cool.
It is definitely different from SAS. SAS is like swimming in S**T. Haha.
Only Mazz will know. You know why? Because she knows how to swim in it and I cannot even breathe. Anyway, I have been to two classes and I really got to thank God for giving nice teammates and Facilitators. And you know what I have not been presenting for these past two days. Haha. I am so lucky. :D

Today module is sales management.
Yes, everything on sales, customer needs and stuff. One of classmate said something which I totally agree with, “customers are not always right, but they are never wrong”. Pick up some other point that wills benefits us if we are going to work at retail. Crap, what am I talking?!
Our course is going to lead us to that line. I am the youngest in the class today.
They are all year 3 or 4, I am the only one year 2.
So was it good? Hell no! They can think of their feet and I can't!
I got to skip my break just to read resources. :(

I went home with Yu Xuan and Mazz just now.
We went back at about 5pm and it rains HEAVILY.
Ok, Mazz I will remember is rain heavily and not rain very big. Tsk tsk tsk.

Anyway, I thought I was going to die with Mazz and Yu Xuan!
It rains so heavily that the way to woodlands was flooded!
And there was thunder with lightning so bright. It looks like any minutes we are going to get strike by lightning! I don't dare to touch any metals near I am so afraid of getting electric kill! :(
God, I even thought it was Apocalypse. I suppose I was just being paranoid, yes, again. After watching Supernatural, Fringe, I just can’t help but keep imaging things.

Sorry! I am a bad photographer. But can you see the rain water is rising up?!
I never encounter flood till this way.

Hmm, tomorrow I will be having MICROECONOMIC.
Fadz and Cheryl said is about plotting and reading the graph.
Gees must be damn boring.
Some more tomorrow my teams, including me will have 3 people.
God, 3 people in a team?! I am going to pray before I sleep.
I need brain, I can’t think. I mean I am not creative at all. People can come up with ideas easily and they can talk crap about it. I can’t and I got STM!
I need to ask for discipline so I can get myself focus.
God Bless.

PINKY BALLET DAY

2010-04-19T18:56:00.003+08:00

I never think that I will enjoy my lesson today, but I did enjoy.
My group is awesome! :D
We have fun joking around. They are nice people.
Hope that the new class I am going to will be nice and fun too.

Something he said today bothers me again.

“Hip hop shirt, normal jean and ballet shoes.”

What the hell, why do people got to keep comment my shoes look like ballet shoes?
I currently love PINK, so you will see me in PINK often.
So yes, I just mix and match whatever that is PINK, tsk.
The first I thing I enter my class, someone called me PINKY, and then he got to say my outfit.

What a day.

Owl City

2010-04-18T22:11:00.002+08:00

Oh my God!
Haresh just told me that Owl City write all these sound because of his girlfriend. His girlfriend has passed away.
He said Fireflies, Owl City wrote that song because he couldn’t sleep, he had insomnia. And he got insomnia because his girlfriend died.
This is sad. I thought his music always seem to be happy happy kind of music. Not those sad ones. Gees.

2010-04-18T20:14:00.002+08:00

I am glad that SHANE went to church with me today.
I think today service is good for me right now.
I am so worried about my life now.
Everything seem meaningless to me.

1.I am so sick of DPHM and I am worried that I can’t get my course change.
2.I want to get iPod touch instead of nano now.
3.I want to get more clothes
4.Facial products!

There are many things I want.
But after today service, I might have second thoughts.

“The Must-Have’s, Must-Do’s and the Must-Try’s...”

Summary of this is that no matter what, no matter you are the fool or the wise,
you ended up the same. The pastor gave an example which he made me really understand what he is trying to say. In the end wise or fool ended up dead, and we will all be lying on that same “table”, they will clean us with only water, no soap.
All of us will receive the same treatment.
It doesn’t matter whether you are wearing Armani or Giordano, it will be cut off. Same treatment.
So what for buying branded goods now?

Branded stuff, cool gadgets, etc, all these only provide you short term satisfies and pleasure. Only through God only son, Jesus, we can find ENTERNAL pleasure.
We shouldn’t take life seriously as we never get out of it alive.

Take One Day at a Time from God,
Live One Day at a Time for God.

Des just called me to confirm. Confirm what? Haha.
I am so happy.
The Programme Chair of Diploma in Customer Relationship and Service Management, called me in the afternoon. Yes, I get to change my course! I have already share this good new with a few people that I am close with me. Thank you guys for being there for me when I need you most, I love you.
Mostly importantly I thank God for everything. Without Him, nothing could have happened. This is all part of God’s plan for me and I hope I am making the right decision and He will be please. So in order to please God, I am still going to school tomorrow. I got my new laptop and I forgot the post note that is in my previous laptop. Do you still remember what is on my post note?
Do what that pleases God.

1st day of 2nd year SUCK!

2010-04-15T15:56:00.001+08:00

First day of school SUCK.
I went partial, yes again and they called me LOSER.
I am really trying hard to be good, to please everyone around me even though I find it so dread to do something I will still do, but not anymore.
I HATE SCIENCE, I NEVER like it.

The point is I got no idea why I will choose this course. I know God has plan for me, I don’t think this is part of the plan. Because when I left the class today, I don’t feel bad at all. In fact I make up my mind, I am not going to study any SCIENCE related stuff, especially anything on Chemistry and Biology.
Guess, I’m idiot for saying that, SCIENCE is everything in CHEMISTRY AND BIOLOGY. For your info, my physics SUCK too!!!

My SCIENCE suck so I work hard and I mean really hard.
I manage to pass in the end. But what do I gain?
No knowledge is in my brain.
So I have decided to change course. I got no idea what I am interested in.
Des told me I ONCE told him I am interested in Diploma in Customer Relationship and Service Management. Immediately I email my programme chair once I got home.
I told my mum if the programme chair do not approve, then I will leave school
as in QUIT school. I mean it.

I am happy that I got friends that REALLY care for me.
They have been asking to think again, think again and think again. Try and try. Thanks for your concern. I do know my own standard and I am not making any fast decision. I have already consider it ever since, god knows when.

2010-04-14T19:25:00.001+08:00

I travelled a lot this few days and my muscle aches all over.
I went Jurong to collect my NEW laptop on Tuesday and went to school on Wednesdays to configure. I didn’t buy this new laptop it was FOC as I sign two years SingTel broadband contract. Tomorrow is the start of a new semester being and I am still not feeling nervous yet, but i know i will when it get closer. Haha.

My laptop needs 4 hours to configure, so Fadz, Mazz and me went causeway point to kill time. Yes, we went banquet for our lunch. After that, we went shopping.
Mazz was looking for a new bag, but I think causeway point don’t have much choices, so in the end she get one. I am waiting for my paid, I got so much stuff I want and I needed to buy. Money is all I need.

Anyway, Fadz asked me something today.
She said I had been going to church, so what have I learnt?
I told her Basic now is studying on the book of Amos.
And I think that the summary of Amos is that, as God chosen people, we should know what is good and bad, and we who knows about the bad shouldn’t be doing it. If we knows about the bad and we still do it, our punishment will be double.

As I was saying this, Mazz said my voice changes.
I don’t how I can pharase this, but Mazz is trying to say that my voice changes because I was complaining this whole day. And I was arguing with the people at Helpdesk just now and here I was talking about religious stuff. The tone was so different. After she said it, I feel so guilty. I shouldn’t be saying the part time at Helpdesk, they are just doing their job, I still shouldn’t be there saying this and their as if I got the right to do so. Anyway, it has been a long day, I am tired. I need to relax and get myself ready for tomorrow.

My new class, W64M, oh ya, I get into the same class as Zul!
Haha. I only realised just now because I don’t know Zul is Zulfiqhri Bin Sabarudin. And the funny thing was, Mazz said he is the zul that we know because she remembers him as Sabarudin!

Well, so I got two people I know in my new class.
Not bad for me at all. Thank God for the blessing! :)
God, I hope I can adapt to my new class just like how I adapt in W16H.
I miss W16H.

Sigh, tomorrow first lesson is.....

BIOCHEMISTRY!!

Both modules I HATE combine together? WTH!

2010-04-10T21:56:00.003+08:00

First time I went Basic today and I think is FUN!
So many things made me HAPPY today!
And I really really thank God for that.

1. Jia Yi accompany to Basic today!

2. I saw Mdm Evelyn and she was on the phone with Mdm Leng Leng! God, I really miss
them. Miss those days.

3. Go find Des after North point 

Sometimes I wonder why life can be so HAPPY for me and sometimes it just gets so tough to make me smile.

My new class, W64M and the first thing that came to my mind was, “what the hell, W6!”
Because W6 is like all the way in.
Can you imagine when you are rushing for class and your block is like…

Okay, got to believe that God has His plans for me.
Yes, that include being in the same class with her.
This is not fate, but just God’s plan. :)

2010-03-27T22:44:00.002+08:00

Oh my god! Is it this whole week I will be tested with temptations? :(
Just now Basic was, lucky I am ask to only read a short portion of it.
There was this Caucasian sitting beside me and he was only less than an arm away from me. Gees, I am super nervous. Keep praying inside my heart that Wen Jie won’t ask me to read. Lucky he called him instead, and his English was so damn good. Of course, he was ang mo. But I never hear someone read something so perfectly and how beautiful their voice is. However, after him reading next was me.

God I am so dead.
How many times I had died this week?
Firstly, the scanner at my work place was so damn irritating. The cover was losing and I can’t fix it. So I got to keep calling the same lady to help me with it.
Damn it! I am so afraid of pissing her off.

By the way, I didn’t get carried away by that Caucasian. You know why?
Because I saw the way he gobbler the chips and the interest I have in him, just go away. Haha. This is what kind of people I am.
See the true colour of me?

You won’t leave me right?

Oh, and I realise I detest bad driver.
We took cab to Basic, and this driver suck man. His driving is so screw!
He keep brake and go, brake and go.
After alighting, all of us are feeling so unwell. I feel so dizzy.
But after drinking some coke, I feel so much better. Thank God.

I am looking forward to meeting my girls out. :)
It have been so long since we last meet. More than a year I think.
I think one thing that is bad about technology is we depend too much on them.
We can sms each other, facebook, msn and not talk face to face for a year!
Man is a year…

Heart over Mind.

2010-03-27T11:26:00.002+08:00

This week, I went dinner with Shu En and she treat me dinner at AJISEN.
Hmm, my first time to AJISEN and I don’t really like Ramen or any noodle.
I prefer Sushi. :)

And yesterday I went to Farrer Park to look for WL.
She is so much better working at the Mini Bits there. I love the things there, so much temptation and I don’t know why girls can resist while working there. So much temptation this week, I went Mount Elizabeth one of the day, and I got to walk through Paragon to the station. Oh my god, I so regret walking in. :(
All those brands keep popping in my brain, and my eyes can’t stop looking at them. Along the way to Orchard, brands are all around us. Temptation I can’t resist!

So you know what, I lend WL my IC to sign up for boardband.
So it was like, if she didn’t pay I got to pay. I don’t know why, I will choose to be her guarantor. I suppose is TRUST. You can call me stupid that I believe TRUST rather than reality, but the trust that is between us…

Anyway, the 3rd week of internship had finally ended.
God, I’m having backache. But overall, I’m HAPPY! :D
I made GREAT friends. Wani! She is crazy man! She can just call someone SEXY randomly. Omg! If Wani and Kina are together, god knows how crazy they can be. :)

God send me to war, with the greatest weapon,
an army of warriors (friends).
Thank you.

I start my week with work and end my week at Basic.
Will be going to Basic later, do I still feel so dreaded to Basic? No.
I believe He made me want to know more about Him. He made me feel things that I can’t explain. :)

Guys, I will not be updating. Cause my week is too mundane.
And I got a report to do next week. Gees, last day of internship next week.
Should I be happy or sad?

2010-03-19T22:03:00.001+08:00

So many days have pass since my last post.
Some update about my life right now.
Currently I will be working at Parkway Shenton for 4weeks and this is ONLY my 2nd week. I can’t really disclose what I am doing at Parkway, but I have been to the health screening at East Shore, Novena and the Arcade.
What comment do I have?

GROSS!

Two things that scare the hell out of me are:
1.Blood draw
2.MRT

Thank God that I only get to see blood draw for ONCE!
I am the only one that freak out in the room. The nurse drawing the blood out was so damn skillful! Guess what, she was talking about mountain climbing with the patient! Both of them were crazy ok! There is a needle in a tube and it was IN the patient arm and he was “boasting” how many mountains he had climbed!
OMG, I swear I will faint if I since a few more blood drawn! :(

The MRT part was…
I seriously don’t understand why the can is full and there are more sardine wanted so much to get inside! Why can’t they just wait another can? This guy I saw, he was willing to get his head squash then spend another 4mintues waiting for the next can! Gees, he was just in front of me when the door was already HALF close.
When I saw his head bang on the door I freak out!
But he pretend like nothing has happened!
What is wrong with this world? :(

No, no, no! Is what is wrong with me?
I watch series of CSI, Criminal Minds, Prison Break, and I saw how gross things could get. And I actually get freak out with blood draw and some F***ing stranger who like to be squash like a sardine! Ok, wait, I need to get myself calm down.

...
.........
..................
...........................

Living this life is making me crazy.
I dismissed a woman who was trying to push me to buy some packet tissues. She is not disabled so I think she can get herself a job instead of using this way to earn a living. However, yesterday some random guy asked me for some coins because he lost his ez link card and he cannot take the bus.
Guess what, I was foolish enough to GIVE him the money.
God, I don’t know I was thinking. Don’t assume anything ok. He is not handsome at all. Just one malay guy maybe about 30 going to 40 years. And the woman I dismissed is older!
Life is crazy or I’m the one going crazy. :(

Basic tomorrow and I am so dread going to Basic.
The only thing that keeps me going is because I really want to know more about Him, nothing else. I need to have the desire to continue to do what I am supposed to do God. So must challenges and I am afraid someday I will fail to accomplish.
I can’t live this life alone.
Will love please come through?

Blessed be.

Whatcha say?

2010-02-28T23:28:00.001+08:00

God, I just check my email today and I release I got an email to reply by Thursday!
It is the confirmation for the $7 per hour job and it is Sunday.
I immediately replied back to see whether am I disqualified. She asked me any good reason why I didn’t reply.
Oh my god, do I have any reason? I pray to God. I know He had planned everything for me and I just need to trust in Him. So I just replied her that I don’t think I have any good reason, I was working part time for my aunt and I don’t have time to check my mail using laptop. Is lame I know. But to my surprise, I am not disqualified!
She said I am honest and she was no mean so yes, I am in. Woo…Thank God! So I can finally rest my mind and go meet des and dan.

Outing today was GREAT! We went for dinner at 18 chefs and movie, Percy Jackson and the lightning thief.
The movie was GREAT though it is always the same old plot. I still prefer Avatar. :)
Anyway, Agnes didn’t come today.
I’m not mad. I just don’t understand why she always can’t make it.
She chooses to meet today but…no comment. :(

So after movie, des went to smoke and after that des still walked us to the MRT, so good lor.
Back home, check my mail again. Tomorrow got briefing 2-5pm at RP.
There will be one on one interview to match everyone to the different job roles.
God, I’m scare. Pray again, and I text des immediately, he had more experience with interviews.
He asked me what am I good at? What am I good at? God, I don’t know.
Magd said I am good at promoting. Am I?
I worked only at retail before. Yes and all I need to do was to promote my goods. But you should know that my English sucks. So what am I going to say tomorrow?

"Do not worry. Do not let your hand gets wet. It's all in the mind. You control it, Jolyn."

This is Magd advised.

I only know that I am good at knowing where to get cheap stuffs and GOSSPING!
Hell, I can’t say that during interviews right?
What to do??
Whatcha say?

2010-02-27T20:13:00.001+08:00

Back from Synod youth games.
I’m damn tired and my new shoes blistered my feet.
The games were boring, ok maybe boring to me only. Seriously, I went there for the sake of pleasing God.
I believe God want me to attend all events to bond with them.
Sigh, I don’t think I can bond with them. Normally after a few ice breaking games, camps and some outing, people will bond. However, I have went to Basic, Basic camp and outing, still, I don’t feel the way I should be. I can’t explain, it just different, different from Westside Anglican Church.

Anyway, I am so looking forward to tomorrow and the following week to come. :)
Yes, tomorrow I will be meeting Agnes, Daniel and Desmond.(BFF):D
I guess d need someone to talk to. So, hopefully tomorrow all of us can have a heart to heart talk. Yeepy!
And this coming Friday, W16H having BBQ. :D
I don’t think Kina and Mazz will stay very late, but I hope it will be FUN.
And I mean FUN.

Shopping!

2010-02-25T22:54:00.005+08:00

Life is GREAT for me now. :D
Yesterday my ah e bought me lunch, chicken chop with mashed potato and watermelon juice. God, I love her! She knows what I love and she always do. After work, we went Junction 8 shop. When I saw those advertise that there is sale, God, my sickness came again. I am buying stuffs like they were FOC.

Due to my illness, I am running out of money and there is so many outing that needed cash. Friday chomp chomp outing was cancel but I am looking forward to Sunday Lunch. Saturday no Basic, we were be going to Kuo Chuan Presbyterian.
I told Yi Ling that I will go support her, yes, she representing our church for badminton, but I don’t feel like going. If I didn’t go I will feel guilty later as I have promise myself to always do whatever that will pleases God.
Hmm, but shopping is an exception ok.

I miss school, miss W16H. ♥♥♥♥♥
Why is departure always so hard? Sigh.
From W47J to W16H, I won both the war.
And I will be just moving to the next territory.
Not injure, but stronger and braver when I keep moving on.
Why? My secrets weapons are FRIENDS!
See my FRIENDS and you will know what I mean.

PS: I was boring, so I read back my past post.
And I miss those cupcakes!♥♥

I hate SALMON!

2010-02-21T22:51:00.000+08:00

One week. One week of my break had passed. First few days of my break were CNY. Reunion dinner was at my house this year. Wow, first year reunion dinner at my place and first time I didn’t had my reunion dinner at my Grandparent’s place. Yes, no steamboat, only normally what you have for dinner. Why? Cause my mum don’t want to mop the floor afterwards. She said the floor will be super oily and got to mop a few times, so no steamboat. Fine.

Finish watching Hi My Sweetheart and Born Rich. I am rotting at home, nowhere to hang out and no money too. Okay, I know is after CNY, but, my ang bao are spend elsewhere. Went to Basic yesterday and guess what, I embarrass myself, yes, again! I was asked to read Matthew 1:1-10. Turn your bible to Matthew now. See those verses? There are so many weird names. Amminadab? Nahshon? Salmon? Yes! Salmon! How do you read this? I read it as, you know the sushi salmon and they all laugh. Chicken! Though my class always correct my English, but at Basic they didn’t correct me, they laugh, yes and I mean laugh. God, I miss my class so much. Though chem sucks, I miss going to school. Lucky I still keep some gums with me.

Anyway, I am currently reading Blood Promise. I bought it yesterday after I got my ang bao. “If your eyes weren’t open, you wouldn’t know the difference between dreaming and waking.” Surely I must be a princess in my dream. I wake up and discover that I might be a princess at home but outside, nightmare. And I got no prince, so no happy ending to be found, at least not in the foreseen future. Sigh, so don’t ask me who is “that him” at my desire as he has no enter my life.

To prevent myself from rotting at home, I will be helping out at my aunt office tomorrow and meantime waiting for the $7 per hour part time. Wish me good luck! Love you guys, always.

Crazy for the day after today! :)

2010-02-11T18:51:00.002+08:00

Second last paper today and it was damn sianx as it is bio! I hate bio to the core. Tsk, no chem should be the number 1 module that I hate the most.
But I am happy today as I got my gums! Thank you Sven! (Though he “throw” it to me) Every time I got my gums, I will go “crazy”. Only Fadz will know.
She is not in school today but she still text me good luck and asked me clam down from my craziness. :)
Love you Fadz!

Woo!!! Just one more day to go and I will be FREE!!!
There are so many things I want to do.
Hmm, though those things I want to do might seem meaningless to you, I can’t wait to do them. The first and most important things I need to get it down are to clean MY ROOM! Only a few of my super close friends will get to “view” MY ROOM.
So they should feel honour lor. Haha! Seriously, I got to get it done by Saturday as everyone will be coming to my house on Saturday for reunion dinner.
Gees, how to clean my room man??? Need two big black plastic bag lor…

I should be studying for Physic, but like what Jasmine said, holiday mood.
One more day! One more day! One more day!!!!
Tomorrow at this time,
I can sleep as long as I want!
I can watch Hi my sweet heart, supernatural, etc.
I can read Vampire Academy all over as I saw blood promise at popular liao. (I can’t find my Vampire Academy. I can’t remember who I lend it to.)
I can drink as many Latte freeze as I want without worrying I can’t sleep at night.

One more day! One more day! One more day!!!!
One more day! One more day! One more day!!!!

What a day. :(

2010-02-08T20:34:00.002+08:00

Without my patrick star hang on my bag with me, it turn out to be a bad day. Last minutes before UT, my client cannot open. What the hell! The faci did nothing to help me again. Guess who is this faci? Is my Chemistry faci again! What the F**k! Can I say she was my jinx? Twice UT she invigilates and twice my client not working and twice she did nothing to help me! I used only 30 minutes to do my ut.
God, confirm failed. Before I left the class, there is still 50 minutes before the test end, so you can roughly get the idea what kind of grade I will get. :(

I went to help desk, and I was like, holding back my tears until I saw Huda. Then Fadz, Ezzati, and then Desmond called. God, it was so embarrassing as Kina, Mazz, Sven all come library looking for me.
I was crying so badly. I can’t stop my tears.
The Jasmine came, I think she was shock.
Sven said is okay, as it was only Chem, but I wonder is he trying to console me or he is just be sarcastic again. Anyway, I went back to the same guy to get my client fixed. But tomorrow is still tomorrow. I will check my client before I go to bed and also before my UT.
God blessed. :)

PS: Des! Daniel went for driving lesson today! When is your turn?

Battery!

2010-02-03T20:40:00.003+08:00

Some battery joke, not going to share with you. haha.

What a day today.
I skip Chem today due to having some issue with someone.
I really can’t stand anyone who are TOO sensitive.
I will apologise if I am in the wrong, but when I’m not, forget about talking to me again. I don’t want to elaborate anymore, I just can’t stand it.
Anyway, WE skip Chem and went library to study Chem and Math. Sound lame, but… I’m gone case in class.

Studying with Kina and Mazz is FUN.
We do practice question together is far better than doing it myself.
Hmm… Friday, Saturday and Sunday got to really start doing notes and start my revision. I know is too late to start doing revision but.
Okay, do my best and God will do the rest.

Two more days will be officially our last day together.
I love my semester 2 class. Every day is full of up and down, but I really do appreciate spending time with you guys.
Thanks for going through this whole semester with me.
Love you all! Kiss!

Watch this life pass me by...

2010-01-30T22:42:00.003+08:00

Back from BASIC and I’m damn tired.
After BASIC, we went dinner together. Shaun came later, so he was like eating his food very fast. He doesn’t want us to wait, so he was like forcing himself eats very fast. Poor thing, his lip has turned sore.
Hmm, should I say he was such a fool, or he is such a nice boy?

After dinner, I went back first.
While in the bus I took this picture. And guess what, I used my phone to take the picture and I didn’t switch off the light and sound effect. so can you imagine what can of situation I get myself into? The lady beside me was looking at me, I got no choice but to told her that the sunflower was very pretty.
She replied “oh ya, I bought want. that is my husband. I bought one for $25 only” Damn it.

Okay, whatever.
Chem is making me crazy and he is making me sad, disappointed, angry, so much of emotion. God, fix him for him. Fix me too God.
I am just going to do whatever I can and I will leave the rest to you God.

I’m going to bed early tonight as I will be going to library tomorrow early.
Got to study for Chem.
Die also must get a C.
I don’t want to retake next semester.

Blessed be.

My GOD is GREAT!

2010-01-28T21:53:00.001+08:00

God is GREAT!! God made today my HAPPY day!
1. Fadz gave me bubble gum, though is original, thank you!
2. He really make him stay back teach us chem today!
3. Get my mailbox done by someone at the Helpdesk I had been looking for all along.

These were the stuff that made my day went so HAPPY!
Something made me sad too. Jay had admitted hospital due to appendix and I know nothing about it. God, it is all over facebook and I still need Fadz to inform me. I’m such a GOOD friend ya?

Well there is nothing much I can do to become a better friend. All I can do is to
pray.

Dear Father Lord, you are so great. Thanks for everything. Father Lord I pray that you will,

1. Bless Yi Da, I pray that you will watch over him, let him get well soon. The scar leaving behind him to be painless soon and it will not leave him a bad scar, just a small one will do.

2. Bless Agnes, watch over her too. I have not been a very good friend to her. She had faced problems at home, and I know nothing about it and I did nothing to help her at all. I pray that you will help her, walk her through the dark time. Pray that she will recover from her flu and cough too.

3. Bless Desmond too. I know there were always thing bothering him. There are things he can’t share. But he can share with you. Walk him through all these dark time too. Help him with his stress so that he will smoke less.

Lord, help your children.
Hope that they will learn more about you and open their hearts and minds to receive your word.
In Jesus name I pray, amen.

YOU make my day a HAPPY day!

2010-01-27T22:07:00.003+08:00

Post note doesn’t seem to work on me anymore, I skip Chem today. Damn it.
Friends around me are quitting school. They seem to be doing fine after quitting. Making me think twice of what am I actually studying?
Am I studying or just living one day and another?
God, I’m sick of life, sick of myself. My skin is actually think enough to please him teach me, but whether he is willing a not is another point. God, please make him teach us.

The only things that keep my going are my friends.

Kina and Mazz my study group!
Fadz, Cheryl, Luqman, Ezzati, Jay and Helmi, every Friday TRCC, keep me going through every week!
Daniel, Desmond and Agnes, few weeks one gathering keeps me going!
Lao da, Wang Lin and Qiu Bi, some texts and calls, make my energy increase!
Madeleine and Caiyun , always been there when I need you!

Love you guys so much!
Life is not right without you guys.
You guys make Jolyn Teng day a happy day!

God is testing my discipline.

2010-01-19T22:31:00.000+08:00

I just came back after going out half a day with lao da, wang lin and her boyfriend. God, I feel so stupid today. I thought we are meeting at ang mo kio, but when I reach ang mo kio they told me is meet at dhoby ghaut, so I went back to take the train to dhoby ghaut. Then when I almost reach they called me and told me they at Daiso, so I went to Vivo Daiso. But I can’t find them there, guess why. They are at PS Daiso! God, I’m not going to go back. So instead they came to Vivo Daiso. So we went Daiso then went to North Point. So can you imagine how tired am i? I bring my laptop with me all this while.

Anyway, I’m tired now and I seriously don’t feel like going for Chem tomorrow. Helmi said is damn difficult. But Ong and Chum said are manageable.
God, you are really testing my discipline.
I’m reading the resource now. Hopefully if I understand it better I will go for lesson tomorrow. Because I cannot depend on the Faci on anything, she… ok, I don’t wish to start speaking ill of her.
haha. I do remember my New Year resolution.:)

...in the beginning

2010-01-16T23:14:00.003+08:00

We went Wen Jie’s house with Wei Sheng, Nian Zhi and Nian Yuu.
We took a cab from Woodlands to Bukit Panjang and were only $8+.
Haha. I still expect it to be $15+.
Anyway, we are the first to reach and we play ping pong a while till Yi Kai came. Haha. I believe this is the first time I played ping pong.
Not bad, I think. :)
After Yi Kai, the gamer came, here comes the Ice breaker. God, I seriously hate ice breaking games. It is always the same old games, is either “blow wind blow” or the “whacking” game. Kena whacked twice, lucky not another time, if not got to get “punishment”.

After ice breaker was fellowship.
Both my favourite songs, here I am to Worship and Consider Christ.
Wen Jie can speak like Sir Albert.
What they said always make me think a lot.
We didn’t stay for dinner after fellowship, went off early so I got no idea whether they will eat the food I bought. I went back alone as Nian Zhi and Nian Yuu going to Bugis. So I need to take LRT to Chua Chu Kang MRT.
God, the last time and it was the only time I took LRT was with my parent.
I can’t even remember why we took it from, all I knew was we are heading to Sengkang. And now I was at some where called Bukit Panjang taking LRT all by myself. And yeah, I took the wrong train and get myself at some where called Ten Miles Junction. Oh God, I never ever heard of this place at all! :(
No choice got to ask someone how to go Chua Chu Kang and it was so embarrassing!
God, I hate taking LRT. There are so many reasons why I don’t want to take LRT. Mostly because it got no driver and it give me no sense of safety.
MRT still the BEST! :)

Okay, cut short, if not I will get all dragging.
So instead of making a New Year resolution, I’m going to list down some practical ways in which I can walk better as a Child of God in 2010.

1. Go BASIC (to learn more about God and no because it is FUN)
2. Read the Bible more often
3. Not to speak ill of people
4. Love EVERY ONE around me (that include myself)
5. Love the planet God create, save paper, switch on less aircon
6. Time spend to study must be more then entertainment
7. Less grumbling, more appreciation

Haha. It might be a little too late to make a New Year resolution.
But what Wei Jie said today make sense. Why do we celebrate New Year?
Basically is because a New Year, a new start. We want to leave the past, the past. But how do you know that this year is going to be a BETTER year?

Remember that everything begins with the Word and the Word was with God and the Word as God.

Through Him all things were made; without him nothing was made and that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

So have you understood it? Have you seen the light?
Live your life for God and no yourself.
Do things that will please Him and not yourself.

Bio is way too better then Chem!

2010-01-13T21:46:00.004+08:00

Chemistry is tough today.
14 of my classmates went off so how tough do you think it is?
Part of it I will blame it to the faci. She is really not doing anything to help us. Even Sven can no longer stand her.
(I still think he is upset that she didn’t give him an A) okay, whatever.
I think I did did something that will pleases God today.
Which is I didn’t skip Chem today.
haha. I really got to thank Helmi. Yes, is Dzul Helmi.
He is 100 times better then my faci.
Anyway, 10 of us did 1 PPT and one slide per person.
So lesson is damn boring.

Oh ya, until meeting 3 then I realise most of us haven had our lunch yet. God, no milk in me the whole day, no way!
So we went café, I bought milk tea and mushroom pie! I seriously recommend you guys to try milk tea and mushroom pie at the café at south food court. They are the perfect combination. :)

Seeing this, my grades are still bothering me. UT are all C+ and I even got a D+!
I don’t think daily grade will help much in my GPA. In fact the number of A I got you can count using your fingers. :(
Can I maintain my GPA at 3.0 please God? Not much and not less.
Actually I shouldn't be asking for me. Is a blessing to have my friends with me. Friends that will help me in a way. Friends like Fadz, Helmi, Sven, Miao Wan, Ng...
I can’t survive this semester without them. They are my life.
God, I seriously hope that life is easy but things just get tougher.
Guess I just need more milk and gums then.

PS: I know that milk don’t let me get any taller but… I just want it.
Haha.. My dad just bought me HONEYDEW MILK TEA!

Number of milk tea consume today: 2

All about Him.

2010-01-09T22:32:00.003+08:00

Back from Basic. Today is 2010 first Basic gathering so no bible studies.
Instead we just eat Happy Meals and do the normal self-introduction.
God, I seriously hate doing any self introduction, RP make me sick doing it.
Having the thoughts that after 4 more weeks I am going to change class again make everything go back to where it was again.

As always, after Basic, my mind is always full of thoughts.
I think Shaun is the most interesting person I had ever met.
I can still remember the very first question he asked me when we first met. He asked me what talent I have. When I said I got none, he was utterly shock. He said God give everyone talent. How can someone clam that he is not a Christian actually said that God give everyone talent?
He has a passion for music and he love rapping. He is totally obsessed with rapping. He doesn’t mind how other sees him. He just loves rapping and he rapped the whole Titus. Isn't God made him special?

I chat with him a while and I realise that I am not the only person who think life is totally boring. Life is indeed sian, why we need to study and work? The bible didn’t say that God made us to study or work. Whatever, we still need to do it. However, we should I change our mindset while studying or working. We study/work for the sake of God. The result/achievement is to glory God, so Shaun please stop blaming MOE for everything. haha. :)

Just like the last song we sang during worship, “I offer my life to you”. We offer our life to God. Everything we have been through is to use it to glory God. The reason why we should offer God everything is because everything came from Him. We have nothing! All we possess are already His. Like what the song goes, “things in the past, things yet unseen, wishes and dreams that are yet to come true, all of my heart, all of my praise, my heart and my hands are lifted to you, Lord I offer my life to you…”

Hope that God can help us to will help us stand us firm in our faith.
Open our hearts and listen to His words and be obedient to him.
Live our life for him.

Screw up fairy visited me again. :(

2009-12-29T22:44:00.001+08:00

Two more days to 2010!
Well, not that excited at all anyway.
I did reflect on what I have achieved this year.
I’m doing badly in everything, I can’t list out ONE thing which I did is good.
Oh, maybe going for BASIC can be considered good.
BASIC teach good stuff, nice people but…well…don’t feel “welcome” at all…
People just stick to their own friends.
I like the feelings when everyone is together.
I guess RP let me get so used to mixing around, get together FAST and I just can’t stand people who need time to adapt.

Gees…Thought I told myself not to speak ill of people.
I am really trying to be good.
I did study ok. I did all my practice questions.
Well, I suppose is just not enough.

When I said trying to be good, I mean good in EVERYTHING.
Not good in EVERYTHING, but to do everything the BEST I can.
I suppose this is what I achieve in 2010.

Do everything the best I could and live with no regret.

Fighting for nothing.

2009-12-08T19:56:00.003+08:00

My best friends, or should I said those who are close to me.
I mean close as in know me fully well.
Am I really that easy to see through?
Is my mind really that fun to play with?

I am sort of piss off with people knowing me TOO well.
First is Yi Da and now is this 7. My “darling” faci said I am always true, true as in I never act and I am always myself. Do I really never act?
Shit, whatever, I don’t know which is me as well.
Come on, do you really know who are you?
What I really do know is that my name is Jolyn Teng and my best friends are Fadz, Miao Wan and Caiyun. They love me for am I, just like God.
I can talk everything under the sun with them and they never abandon me.
Do you have best friends like I do?
Ha! I guess you don’t.
I don’t think anyone can stand you.
Don’t tell me you don’t feel like they are making use of your brain?
What?! You are trying to say that I always said what I am thinking.
True, this I agree with you.
I always said what I am thinking, I never thought of editing my thoughts before I speak. Is that wrong? I think no, but people like you will hate me because no one likes to listen to the truth.

Don’t try to ask me why I make this assumption.
Don’t try to ask me for evidence as I get my evidence from women intuition.
And I seriously do trust my intuition.
Don’t you trust yours too when you make this assumption that whether it is true or false I will just assume that it is true?
What evidence do you have?
Don’t try to use what Plato’s cave with me.

Gees, totally cognitive huh?
I’m having Cognitive UT tomorrow so, well, like what Jol said, study until kuku.
And what really does unmotivated was that I study until kuku and I still get this kind of kuku result.
This is really WHAT THE FUCK.

This is what I will always said when I know I’m losing the fight.

No puedo dormir con el dolor

2009-12-07T21:07:00.001+08:00

I know I’m stupid and slow and you guys can’t stand me.
I’m not complaining cause I know it is really irritating when you teach someone and they just don’t get it. I know even faci is piss off with me but I can’t just help it from been stupid.
Well, I’m grateful for you guys teaching me though. Is not your duty but still, Thanks a lot.

:) + :( + :( + :( = :(

2009-12-03T21:53:00.003+08:00

Magd and Barry were late for today movie date.
Thank God that I managed to catch New Moon on time.
New moon is AWESOME. However, I still sort of prefer Twilight.
Hmm…Wonder is it because of the change of director..
Not much action and the action are like…
Erm…the Jacob werewolves’ part is better than the Volturi. :)

Lesson end early today as there were many of them didn’t come.
Group today was one word, dead. :(
Not much discussion. I can’t contribute much, as you know.
Ahem…those who know me SHOULD know me well.
There are people who know me for only 9 weeks know me damn well.
Gees, I hate people who knew me too well.
He can even know what kind of explanation I needed to get a thing in my brain. Anyway, I think I can work with anyone.
I really do mean anyone. Even with people I dislike.
Guess I am just good at acting.
And I just can’t stand people around me to be unhappy.
I can’t stand people giving me black face.
I can’t stand people arguing back with me. :(

Oh ya, this is not the first time or my first class who kept calling me aunty.
I don’t want to be known as aunty jo, it keeps reminding me of “aunty Lucy”, piss off. Am I being too naggy, too bossy, too kaisu?
Okokok, I don’t like my reflection, I don’t like what I see, I don’t want to give them much thought, feeling suck. :(

UT again next week, kind of lazy days for me, I don’t feel like studying. :(
Here is information for you.
I hate people keep asking me about academy stuff.
So please stop pestering me with questions and expect explanation.
Well, since I hate people keep pestering me about academy stuffs, I will stop pestering others too.
I never give a thought before that how annoying this is.

Didn’t went to BASIC for like 2 weeks?
Or was it 3 weeks?
Will I be going this Saturday?
UT next week, but believe me I am always trying to live a life how God want me too. But there are temptations everywhere.
I can resist this doesn’t mean I can resist others too.
Sigh...My head is getting heavier.
I don't, don't really know what I'm doing.:(

Wadering...Life is something that everyone should try just living once will do...

2009-11-24T18:07:00.003+08:00

It supposes to be a nice day
as it is Magd’s 16th birthday and I got my gums and milk tea in the morning.
I want to wish Magd all the best in every thing she do.
I’m not happy and I am always not content with what I have.
I sincerely hope Magd, my love, will be happy always and may luck always be with her. Magd, don’t get piss that I am going to make here, not a happy place.

Believe me when I said I hate school and I am trying real hard to bring myself to school.
Believe me when I say cognitive is hard.
Believe me when I said I’m feeling half alive.
Believe me when I said I am hardly okay.
Believe me when I said I know one day, you and I will be free.
Believe me when I said I smell your lily perfume when I think of you.
Believe me when I said I’m piss off.
Believe me when I said I don’t know what I want and I am still figuring it out.
Believe me when I said I can’t use my brain.
Believe me when I said I don’t know where my brain is.
Believe me when I said I will get through on my own.

I am trying hard to be the one that you all think I am.
I am really trying to please everyone. (that including God)
But I can’t control how my mind works.
I want to be smart too.

I hope I can remember whatever thing you teach me.
I hope I know how things work.
I hope I am the one you think I am.
I hope I can stop gossiping.
I hope I will like everyone and not dislike most of the people I know.
I hope I got the brain so I can contribute my share to my team.
I hope I don’t have desire.
I hope I can get myself to go for bible study every saturday.
I hope I can get myself to start revising for the coming UT.
I hope whatever I study will get into my brain.
I hope I won’t get headache when I try to use my brain.
I hope I won’t get piss off easily.
I hope I don’t hope for things.

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another.
It is one damn thing over and over.

I’m not angry but 心酸

2009-11-19T20:37:00.004+08:00

I thought we are closer than family
and our love is like a fairytale,
forever happily ever after.
However,
the only things
that will never change
is constanly changing.
Drifting.

wish that i were someone else.

2009-11-17T21:31:00.009+08:00

Ong just send me his Chemistry stuffs.
WTF! I can’t even understand a shit!
Ok, Magd and that Sven will be there saying…

I seriously don’t feel like going to school tomorrow.
Anyway I haven skip any chemistry lesson yet. So should I skip? Should I?
Shouldn’t have put this on my desktop…

Alright, I’m here to please him not myself. Fine!

Hopefully, Sven and Miao Wan can help me tomorrow.
Maybe Mars and Jol can teach me too…
Got to keep reminding myself to relax…
Get so work up easily. :(

When I told Miao Wan I’m not going tomorrow. See how encouraging she is.

Helmi is even worse.
He asked me why am I so hardworking this semester?
Am I?

I suppose is this semester getting tougher each day.
My head hurts often.
For god sake, I don’t have that much brain juice!
Feel like I’m just wasting my time.
Can I really become a paramedic? I don’t think I can even become a pharmacist?
Life right now, suck. :(

I can't help it.

2009-11-13T20:02:00.007+08:00

Thank God, my last UT today! Math today was manageable.
Results will only be out in like four weeks time?
Who cares, I don’t really want to know my result.
I already got an idea of what kind of grade I will get.
What kind of grade do you think I can get? Before the UT, I’m already lack of practice, lack of almost everything, and that includes the BRAIN.
Without Sven, Fadz, Helmi and Miao Wan, I will die. Not die, but can be super stress till depression.

With their help, I can still get so stress and cried a few times a week!
Super piss off with my sciences.
My brain doesn’t have a space for science.
Can you believe I’m a science student?!
No matter how many times I read through the 6P, how many times I read through the resources, the thing just won’t get into my BRAIN.
I guess only des can understand how I feel. :(

What makes me can’t enjoy now is that the next UT will be just in 3 weeks time?
Anyone of us want to say the F word? Cause I am. ._.
This semester is just so tough for me. Give up? How to?
No matter what still got to study. So must as well brace up and hold tight!
I just got to work harder, can’t help it if the BRAIN just won’t help itself.
Feel so useless, feel so dumb.

I don’t have a life, so I guess I can use my time to do Practice Question.
But right now I just want to sleep!
When is the last time I have any nice long dream? … I can’t even remember.
Guess, it might have been sometime.
These two weeks, I was like in a coma instead of sleeping.
I can wake up the next day and my muscle hurt all over.
Know why? Because I didn’t move an inch the whole night and my body got so damn numbs that my muscle hurts.
Can you see how these sciences are stressing me?

When everyone will be free so I can go take some nice pictures?
See the effect of taking photo alone? I look so…no comment… I don’t know what this yellow thing is, but it is made of recycle plastic bags I think and best it is in YELLOW.

I’m thinking whether any happy things that is going on in my life.
Hmm…Hmm…Hmm…Wait…

Now gums can’t make me happy anymore.
Hehe…I’m afraid my jaws muscle will grow BIG because of chewing the gums.
So I stop chewing any gums.
Erm, actually I do keep one last pieces for the worst came to worst state of my mind.
WATERMELON, I will miss you!

Oh ya! One happy thing today!
Calvin gave me one of his sandwiches and Tiger!
Calvin is such a nice man. Not nice just because he gave me food.
But nowadays is hard to find guys like him.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not into him.
I am still so into…
Ahem, only misscaiyun knew who I’m referring too.

Anyway, I won’t be blogging much as there won’t be much HAPPY things to post.
My life is so dull that weeks after weeks is the still the same.
School, eat, presentation, practice question, sleep, school, eat, presentation, practice question, School, eat, presentation, practice question, sleep, school, eat, presentation, practice question, School, eat, presentation, practice question, sleep, school, eat, presentation, practice question…
ROUTINE.

Life goes on. I don’t know what I want.
So don’t ask me, cause I’m still trying to figure it out.
Don’t know what is down the road, I’m just walking, I’m not a princess, and this isn’t a fairy tale.
Trying to see through the rain coming down.

Some things are getting on my nerves.

2009-11-11T20:37:00.002+08:00

Last UT to go on Friday, MATH!
2 more days to weekend!
I just want to sleep for a day!
I’m tired, both physically and mentally.

After Daniel UT ends and he finish his PP presenting, we can go ton at Des place!
Movies night! WU LAH LAH! WU LAH LAH!
So much to grumble!
So much stories to tell!
Oh God, I miss them so much!
I might be in the same school as Daniel, but we both got things to do.
I don’t get to see him at RP before, not even once.
Really got to meet soon guys!

Hmm… I get to chew my gums and drink my milk tea in the morning!
These are the things that keep me going!
Thank you Sven and Helmi!
Seeing someone like Fadz and Helmi in the morning helps to me to get my day started happily! I LOVE YOU GUYS!
We can’t have lunch together as much like we used to, because everyone got their new classmates, got stupid slides to do, ta bao...Blah Blah Blah...
But can we have lunch together at least once a week?
Together as in, Fadz, Helmi, Yi Da, Ezzati, and Luqman.
Just once a week, please guys.

By the way, Christmas is coming.
Can we go to Orchard take photos?
The Christmas tree at Ion is amazing!
Needles to say, camera man will be Ezzati!

Misscaiyun'S ah jo is damn STUPID!

2009-11-05T20:55:00.003+08:00

Two rows of happy day in a week is it too much?
Feel so fuck up today.
My new group today was totally not what I expected.
Is like how many times I have same team with her?
I’m just… No comment!

Physic test made my day even worse.
Can I said that is until the last minutes then I realise cannot bring in paper based note? All along Faci said can. WTF! Who can I blame? I didn’t read the announcement.
I screwed the test too.
I THINK THE TEST IS EASY BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO!
Everything piss me off so much today.

After the test, when I saw Sven and Helmi.
I can’t stop my tears any longer.
I feel so stupid! So so STUPID!
I do my practice questions and I even asked Sven stayed back teach me.
What he teach me, I know but I got no ideas why I don’t know how to do the test.
I feel like I’m wasting his time so I cried.
For Helmi I think is because I saw someone I am close with and I just can’t hide myself anymore, I cried.
Why am I so stupid? I can’t get a single thing done.
I can’t live my life the way God want me to, I can’t get my things done too.

I always screwed up!

I AM SO SO FUCKED UP!

is MY day!

2009-11-02T21:51:00.007+08:00

I am happy today. I am happy today. :D
Without my phone today but I still manage to saw Fadz in the bus.
Fate Fadz, this is fate. :D Love you!

Haha. I got my WATERMELON bubble gum.:D Thank you Sven!
I can’t bear to throw the wrapper away.
WATERMELON flavour is the best, at least what I think that is. I don’t like grape. Ong said they didn’t sell those gums with tattoo. It tastes the best!
I still remember the taste.
Haha.. I guess cause I swallow it once or twice before!

I got so much to thank him.
He helped me a lot in my studies and for the tips he gave.
Okay, is Li Shi consider that a tip. Anyway, thanks for everything Sven.
I must thank Miao Wan too. Without her, I will be dead in math lessons.
She helps me with almost every question.
Okay, I know what Sven must be saying, “you cannot ask every question, you must try to do it yourself, if not you will never learn”. I won’t treat this as crap, but just don’t like people say me like that.
Ok, ok, I will do my practice question for physic. Now!

Something really, truly amazed me these days.
I pray and God answer my prayers! Isn’t that amazing?
When you truly pray and ask for His help.
Gees, it makes me feel all these weird feelings.
Whatever, I know God love me!"D

PS: WATERMELON Bubbles gums wrapper for memory! I wonder when I will get to taste it again.

My way back from BASIC. :(

2009-10-31T21:10:00.003+08:00

I just came back from basic. I was damn wet and irritated!
While I was waiting for my bus back, the rain was so big that the cars moves pass splash water on me. I think I was stupid to just stand still there.
When the bus finally came, I was so happy.
I can’t wait to get myself a seat and sleep till I reach Yishun.
Instead, the bus was packed. And I got to stand under an air conditions.
God, I wish Daniel was right beside me then. He was always warm. :)

In the bus, there were these four teenagers beside me and they will super irritating. They will just trying to act lians and bengs.
They will there making silly jokes, giggling, laughing out loud as if this is their home. I feel like asking them to shut up.
But if I really do so, then who will then be the one who was acting lian?
So, in the end, I kept myself shut. :(
Piss off all the way, till they finally get off at amk.

So here I am home on my bed. I was supposed to do my revision for UT.
But I was tired. I know tired is not an excuse, but I no longer having the discipline like I used to have. I want to sleep. I want to stay in my dream.
I want to let my mind wandered and never came back. :(

God, please give me the discipline, the strength, the brain, the,the, everything that I need. All the best to Yiling too! :)

PS: Here is a video to share.
Those who know me please watch! Cause I love you!

Dead beat. :(

2009-10-30T22:05:00.004+08:00

Dead beat by doing physic today. Worksheet can kill me.
Without Helmi or Ng with me, I am lucky to have Sven teach me. He is great!
Don’t know what kind of brain he has, but definitely he had a better one than me!
My Physic faci, Ashray is super duper good.
He stayed with us all the way through 6pm.
Only Mazz and Sven have questions for faci. I suppose they are the only one who has started doing those practice questions. I just don’t have that kind of discipline in me anymore. Since when have I become so lazy?

Gees, things are not just going fall apart again isn’t it?
I just feel so lost and insecure.
Don’t ask me what am I afraid of losing, I don’t know.
I just feel kind of empty, kind of no life.
But what is the definition of life?
My definition for life is, life is full of happiness and in the same time misery.
It always has its ups and downs.
Using a weighing balance to measure both, the heavier one will definitely be the bad one. Why? I suppose is life is full challenge.
And guess what?
I am just sick of everything.

I am trying very hard to do everything for God.
To do whatever that I think will please him.
I am really trying.
But Devil always just makes the other look greener.
I am supposed to attend Woman Conference tomorrow, 9am, at church.
But the idea of staying at home to complete my physic practice questions appears to be a better option than going church. So I decide not to go for the conference but I must go for basic to please god.
Wah piang! The pills I took to ease my ear pain are kicking in. My eyes can’t stay open for long. I got to sleep soon.
Promise myself to get start on my revision tomorrow morning.:)

Bad Mood........

2009-10-29T19:38:00.000+08:00

There is always a price to pay for something I want. I went to clean my navel and get myself to have visited the washroom 4times in the morning. My whole morning was terrible. I feel so weak and I skip my lunch with my buddy, afraid if I eat I will visit the washroom again.

Yi da finally came back to school after 2 days. Though is two days, but I haven see him like 5 days! I don’t why, it just seems weird. Is like we have lunch every day and if just one missing from the group, it doesn’t seem like a group anymore. Not like the group I know at least. So I’m glad that everyone is back. Oh no, Fadz and Luqman not feeling well too. I suppose this is the season where people all get flu, fever, sore throat, coughing, and all kind of usual symptom. Who can we blame other than the weather? God, please help those who are sick to recover.

UTs are coming SOON, next week! Damn it! Was it too soon? I wanted to do my physic practice questions, but after the first two questions, I feel so dizzy. I really mean it ok, I’m so sick of studying what I hate. Can I study history instead? I feel that reading those super duper think book of biographic is better than doing Science. God, what have I get myself in to? :(

So many things piss me off these days. No wonder, that idiot Yi da kept saying I’m giving attitude. Even Fadz said I bully him. Did I? Chicken, chicken, chicken. Enough of my attitude ok, I am just not in a good mood. Those who are super duper close with me will know that THIS IS ME. When I’m piss off I will just scold whoever was with me. I can’t control, I am not strong as devil. So just don’t provoke me! Do you hear that Dan?!

Am I acting like a BITCH?!

2009-10-23T18:01:00.001+08:00

I am so piss off with her, I really do. I was like telling everyone how FUCK she is. She piss me so much cause she kept looking at those conversation I had with my friends at msn. Giving comment on almost every conversation I had. I detested her.

I started bitching her like, after first day of school?
Before I even started bitching her, I never even think of why she will have these actions.
God, she said she is sorry for her actions and the reason she kept looking at my convo is because she find my life is more interesting then hers.
She thinks my convo with my friends are interesting too.
What she said again?
My life is more interesting than hers?
More interesting means can see my personal convo?
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Alright, I don’t want to know whether it was true or not.
I just hope I can stop myself from gossiping or even start bitching about someone else.
No matter what, I just feel sort of sorry for her.
Indeed, she doesn’t have many friends. In fact I think Cheryl is her only friend.
I always thought that the reason why she got no friends is because of her personality.
But was it really her personality or people didn’t even take the first step to understand her?
God! I remember the last time I started bitching about Alicia, Yi Da told me how wrong and dumb I was.
Why this time he didn’t tell me I’m such an asshole?

Suck it and live with it.

2009-10-14T19:24:00.002+08:00

School suck!
I thought if I can handle the first week, everything will be fine.
But the days just get tougher. I feel bored in school.
Nothing seems to get into my brain. I guess is because I don’t know where my mind was wandering about. I agreed with someone Cheryl hate that if we live 18 years without school, it was like living 18 years of stupidity, not realising how dumb you are for that 18 years.
All those science lessons just make me feel so dumb, dumber each day!

Yida said my temper is bad nowadays and I’m giving attitude.
God, has he had to be so observant?
I don’t think I had started giving attitude, I just kind of moody these days.
I was really way too left behind. I know I shouldn’t keep grumbling.
I should have been more focus and put in effort.
Like what magd said, there is a price to pay if you want something, nothing is free.
I don’t want to vent my frustration on Fadz. But I’m sorry. I just can’t keep it inside me. I will burst.

I was wondering why I still cannot do presentation.
I am so ashamed to admit that. I had done so many presentations since semester 1.
I feel super duper nervous before and during presentations.
I freak out. And my hands were sweating like hell!

I’m sick of all going through all these.
I don’t know how long I can stand it.
Everything is so suck, suck, and suck.
The only thing that keeps me going to school was lunch with my previous classmate, my W47J, my BFF! Two more days to go before my weekend arrive.
I want Fun and Sleep! :D

Mi dios.

2009-10-12T20:03:00.002+08:00

Two words S words! Stress and Suck!
I am quite happy that I had survived the first week, but the road just gets harder. I hate to admit I am so stress with my study, it just make me look so vulnerable. :(

God, is my life going down again?
Aren’t all those challenges already made me stronger?
Okay, I admit, I am weak. I always shield myself away from others. I am just afraid.
Afraid I might get too used, afraid of getting attach, afraid of changes. I am just afraid of everything. Why am I such a scary cat? God know.

Anyway, Saturday I went to BASIC.
This time when he said God love us that He sends His one and only son, Jesus, to die for us, so we can be save. The way he told us about God love.
Whoever who does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:8
I can feel this warm feeling. It was like, I can feel God love. I can’t really explain the feelings.
It was something I never felt before, it was mystical.
I am praying these days. Before I sleep and the moment I wake up.
I believe all those problems I am facing now are all part of God plans. I am living and solving it to please God. And what I need to do right now is to keep reminding myself to do something that will please God and not for my own pleasure.
I got to study hard now, not for the sake of studying.
But because I know it will please God. :)

El preguntarse.

2009-10-09T20:32:00.000+08:00

I am lucky today!
I got a feeling I will be in a same team with Aimee and I really got her! Lunch, Aimee and I helped to buy drinks for the rest of us and we got one for “free”. I suppose the person miscalculate one. And after school, Fadz and I got free bread each of us.
Friday had finally arrived! Thank god that my first week in my new class is GREAT. Fadz asked me why I wanted to go to church since I am not Christine. I told her I don’t know why which is true, I don’t know. When Mdm Pris ask me to go, part of me just wanted to. I guess is God “made” me want to go. He made me believe in him, and trusted in Him in everything. I know He love, why I know? Not just because I know He send His son only son, Jesus, to die for us, I sort of can “feel” He love me. And how much do I love him?

Sulky!

2009-10-07T17:56:00.005+08:00

Well, well. My new class W16H, overall is ok. Like what Des said I got to see how days go back. We can’t know someone well just by a week!
Something Yida said today made me pondered over his words. o_O!
Yes! Is him again.
He asked me can I be myself in my new class. Hmm, the real me.
Is it the ah lian part of me? Bitchy part?
I told him yes, but I think I should have ask him which real me he really mean.
Yi da knows me well, so I guess he can figure out that there are always some parts of me that can’t be shown.

Chemistry today is…one word, suck. The faci suck, the problem suck. :(
I really need Ng and Alicia help. I asked Helmi a little about the drawing, he said can search at internet.
Then I still need Ng for explanation.
God, he is smart. Wonder why I can’t be as smart as him?

I also realise I am a super sensitive person. Just a little comment from you, I will go mad. Something Dan (slacker) said can made me self-conscious for days. It really do matter to me what people were saying about me. So I can’t remember what I was talking about with Dan today that the F word came out from me.
And guess what, one of our class rules today is no vulgarity.
Dan didn’t say anything at first. But while I was presenting he pointed middle finger at me. Another one word, jerk!

PS: Sending my love to Misscaiyun, Fadz, Cheryl, Ezzati, Helmi, Ng, Alicia, Yida, Germaine, Shihyin, God, to all W47J!!! :D
I know I am irritating, but, thanks for being there when I need you guys!
Love you, always.

pesimista :)

2009-10-02T23:44:00.003+08:00

I feel kind of moody these two weeks.

I suppose I had begun far too pessimistic on what is going to happen.

Lots and lots of changes, challenges, and also “acting”, are on its way. Gees, just hate every part of it. Ok, I won’t start repeating about how agony I felt about the change in class again.

I know Desmond was trying to tell me that maybe my new class will not

be as bad as how I think it will be and Daniel was telling me how much he prefer his

semester 2 class. Guys, trust me, I really have a strong feeling of how things will going to turn on. Not fine, truly not fine.

To stop myself from complaining how pathetic I think my life is, I just keep on reading.

I realise I really do love reading. I love books.

I really don’t mind spending the whole of my life just to read the books I want.

Well, I can live that can of live if I win that toto.

This is what I read for this week.

Haha. I am currently reading another one.

Guys don’t say I didn’t support my idol, Louis Koo.

I went to watch Accidents with Daniel and Desmond. I think the movie will super boring!

I expect the movie to be mysterious and exciting. However, it always have the I-know-what-is-next effect, I really don’t like the movie.

I prefer Connected, which is much more ACTION. :D

Anyway, I think church made for a good meeting spot.

I like to hang out, chat and have fun after service.

If God minded me using his chapel as a way to further my social life, He hadn’t let me know. Either that or He was biding his time before punishing me.

Buenos viejos días.

2009-09-26T22:14:00.005+08:00

I went to Novena Square for September fans club meeting.
I have not seen them for quite some time. We meet to do the pin board for Louis Koo’s birthday. This year there are only about 7-10 people going for his birthday celebration at Hong Kong. I write my wishes to him on a DV post it and pass them the card I made for him.

See. Hmm…I made these cards for two people. In this world, there are only two of these. one will be with Louis Koo and another will be with… Guess?

Anyway, I stayed for the gathering like 3 hours, then I went AMK hub find Wang Lin to have dinner together. She was having her “down life” right now. I suppose after 2008, all of us do not really live our life well. After promotion, Lao da is super stress with her work. We all had left Wang Lin herself at the shop. I feel really bad for that. But what can I do? All I can say, this is life. I can’t stop moving on, neither cans her.

Talking about moving on, I am going to meet my new class soon… I dread to think what will happen to me. Tarot said I would resist to changes and EYY and Mr Wong said I cannot meet my new class if I choose to shut myself away from the future.
God, all of these are so damn right. I don’t what I’m thinking right now. Just think about so many things at one time.
What I really need right now, is God to be with me.
I really need to “feel” his love.
Blessed be.

La suerte de mayo esté conmigo.

2009-09-25T11:30:00.000+08:00

I was getting paranoid after watching Criminal Minds, Supernatural, Final Destination, Heroes, etc… I was sitting on the wooden bench with my back against windows, reading Wings while waiting for the doctor. I could felt something behind me and I saw shadow moving towards me. Then someone was like leaning towards me, when the skins touch my arm. Gees! It was the lady beside me. She said she wanted to see what number the counter was showing now. I sighed with relief that it was all my silly thoughts.

I am getting really paranoid about almost everything.

Talking about Wings, haha, I am so into in. Well, I suppose is like what some of you said, Wings was something like Twilight. Yes, I agree to that and I find it more like Raven Gate (The Power of Five) by Anthony Horowitz. However, Aprilynne Pike made Wings much more interesting. The way she combine magic, romance and adventure, it’s perfect. Waiting for book 2 and I strongly recommend you to read it soon!

God, I really don’t have any mood to do any paper 2 for practice or to read any sample compositions. I am just forcing some of precious time out to read it, I wonder does it went in to my mind. I want the papers to end soon. So I can get to read and watch my show the whole day. Yes, you are right. No one asked me out. I am those kid that spend my whole life in my room. I wonder what I can do with the 1^st prize toto tonight…

9.7million!! :D

1 million is more than enough lor…

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

May luck be with me!

Dormido y todavía cansado.

2009-09-18T17:34:00.003+08:00

God, I had slept almost the whole day. I woke up like 9am and then sleep again at 1pm. All the way till 5pm. Gees, will I get to sleep again? I’m not well. Both physical or mentally, just not well. My ear started to pain again. I had gone to a doctor and I guess is the pain killer that makes me feel drowsy.

Sorry to cancel today meeting. I promise we will meet out soon again, maybe Sunday or Monday?

Anyway, tomorrow is a member of W47J, our super act cute girl (ok, I admit she is cute) BIG day. Here wishing her a HAPPY HAPPIEST 18th Birthday! Love you, always!

el vagar

2009-09-18T09:50:00.004+08:00

Hmm…I always knew I can sleep for 24hr. the last thing I remember about yesterday was, I was texting message to Daniel and Desmond. I reply a few to Daniel and I fall asleep. It was about 6 plus, so I slept till the next day 8 plus, which is today. Shiok! I can’t even remember when the last time I slept for so well. :D

Anyway, I am slacking now, so there is nothing much in my mind. I was just wondering why my dad had the sudden habit of buying dessert from emicakes. Who cares if he did get tiramisu for me? :D

Later going out with Des, Daniel and Agnes, so I’m going to finish season 2 Heroes and move on the season 3. Sending my misses and blessing to W47J!

Corazón del fragmento

2009-09-03T21:10:00.002+08:00

Wouldn’t it be great if just once, just one time, life fell magically into place? Was there some natural law that demanded equal shares of happiness and misery in the world? Was my joy overthrowing the balance? Everything was in perfect balance. However, I still feel sort of restless towards life. Am I asking too much for life?

I just did the best with what I had, never quite fitting into the world until recently. Why things got to change? I am just so resist to changes. I can’t help with this feeling. I know no matter how I detest changes, it will still happen. I had never been strong enough to deal with the things outside my control, to attack the enemies or outrun them. To avoid the pain, the only thing I had ever been able to do was, keep going. Endure. Survive.

W47J was the only thing that I am clinging on. After BBQ that day, when Luqman and Yida said goodbye and those out of mind talk with Ong and Thomas, I felt myself slipping and there was nothing to hold on. Though there was no nightmare for me, sudden awake is not any better. It causes me headache during the day so I took Panadol Extra more often. I suppose this explain why 8 hours were still not enough.

It was stupid to be so self-conscious and God I knew that. I really do care a lot of what people might think of me. Are my dressing ok? Can I do this or can I do that. My self-esteem is just so fragile. Do you know how it feels for me to walk from OSC to my class? I was damn nervous and I just feel so relief that I managed to reach my class. I feel so save, calm with people I love surrounded me. God, can I just stay in my own territory?

PS: I am currently in love with Kris Allen. :>

Último uno por favor

2009-08-26T19:07:00.004+08:00

Lucky yesterday after BBQ I went back with Thomas! I went for oral today with Huda. Tell her about Thomas. Guess what Huda went for the wrong day! Her oral is tomorrow not today. Haha. Really thank God for this. Oral conversation today is related to my one and only ang mo friend. Lucky before the oral I talk to Huda about it. If not my oral confirm gone because I told the examiner I got an ang mo friend instead using the word Caucasian. Anyway, Huda went for the wrong day so she waited 2hours for me!

Hm... Compared with Yi Da, Huda longer bah? Yesterday BBQ was quite high. Germaine they all come too late, if not high together with Faci’s maid surely more fun. I was quite sad yesterday that Fadz, Nazi, Dyni, Cai Ling and Dylah, all did not turn up. I doubt that we will have another gathering like this. Hardly, Chum and Mei Xing will join us.

So, 5 weeks break is here. I want to go my aunt’s office work, but I’m not sure whether a not can. I don’t think in the mean time, I can get any part time job. God, this 5 weeks break, please bless each and every one of W47J. Let us have fun, enjoy and cling those memories in our heart. W47J be safe! :>

PS: No matter how I said I dislike some of them, my love for W47J is just growing stronger each day.

Estoy sintiendo azul

2009-08-24T22:28:00.002+08:00

God want me to study for my Communication UT tomorrow so he let my files all gone! I am so sad. I went for talk and then stay at school to prepare note again. The school library was quite noisy, but it is still bearable to continue our own revision. Ya, I was kena shock by Ong. I never expect anyone I knew at RP will stay after UT. So, yes, he had success in scaring me. (o_o)!

Math UT was, F! I gave up! I can’t figure anything. I hate really do hate math don’t I? I really chiong a lot for math during O… But after that I really never practice at all and my skill degenerate. If I Mrs Mak knows my math is getting D right now, she confirms become mad. Anyway, hope that after moderate I will not get D again.

I am so excited after tomorrow! BBQ! BBQ! Satay! Satay! :D
Fin said want to go prawn fishing. But I had tried it once with Daniel, Desmond and Agnes and I really think is rather cruel to animals. I really do pity those prawns. We caught them up and the next thing we do is to plug their…what is that two things call? I don’t know, I think is their legs or hands. I just find it very ruthless to do so. Some of the prawns were even pregnant and we still did the same thing to them. That moment, I really want to change myself to become a vegetarian! I never going to try that again! :<

Anyway, I hope tomorrow every one of us will enjoy the last gathering. We are all moving to another territory, so God please guide us, stay with us and bless us. :>

Dudas...

2009-08-22T20:29:00.003+08:00

This is the feelings I felt long time ago. Just now at Sir’s house during sing along session my thoughts flashed back to those time we spend together. I like spending my time for gathering like that, where everybody gather together, to talk. Learning more about God in this way is nice too. Anyway, I saw Sir Daniel! He super good and funny de… haha… he never changed lor… Sir Albert become humorous too… maybe is because he is now a father! And guess what, I saw Qing Xiang! I never expect he will be joining BB. This prove that God really have the power to make him till who he is now. :>

Well, I am still thinking about the lesson just now. When I asked God for forgiveness, how do I show that I have repented? Action speaks louder than words. I understand that I got to do something to show that I have repented in my words and also action, but how? Asking me to go to church every Sunday? How that routine I am going to follow? I mean, do I really love God as much as He loves me? Gees, I don’t know. God, please help me in any ways, to let me know myself. Let me know what am I suppose to do.

Sigh… My heart had chosen the way. How do I know? Maybe in the past when I’m scare or I faced any problems I will pray to God. But the God is not Jesus. However right now, I recalled back these pass years. When I always said God, what I’m referring to is Jesus. Maybe Jesus really comes into my lives somehow. Some part of mind, Jesus was already at there. He is helping me and he is with me. God is really with me. Living in this world save is not coincidence. I really want to Thank God for everything. Everything I have now is not coincidence, is not what I deserve too, it is God’s gift.

PS: Currently in love with who am I by Casting Crowns.

That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt,

Who am I?
That the Bright and Morning Star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am…
I am Yours…I am Yours

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin,
Would look on me with love,
And watch me rise again,

Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am...
I am Yours

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done,
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean (ocean),
A vapor in the wind,
Still You hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling,
And You've told me who I am...
I am Yours I am Yours…
I am Yours

Whom shall I fear?...
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am Yours…I am Yours

magdalenas!

2009-08-21T20:21:00.002+08:00

Guess I can start to count down. 4 more days, just these 4 more days everything will not be the same. I’m going to another territory in about 5 week’s time. Before these 5 weeks end, I must get a job soon. I am still not sure whether I can go my aunt office work mah. Argh, I need those pills, I just stop taking for like 2 months and I can’t stand myself any longer.

Cheryl, Huda, Helmi, Ezzati, Fin and me went to watch where got ghost just now. Chicken, asked yi da go he die also don’t want. Anyway, I think the movie was okay. Wow, this is the first time I finish the whole pop corn. Haha. Cheryl and Fin can really eat lor. Usually with my cousins all, 4 of us can’t even finish it. After the movie we went pastamania. God, Ezzati was like holding the box of cupcakes Helmi gave her. She like holding a bomb, anyway, the way she holds it was funny. Cupcakes! I love the one I ate. Hmm…I’m still thinking about it.

There are another two more UTs to go. God, today Cognitive was difficult. Can I get B+ again? Tomorrow going to Sir and Mdm house. Tuesday! I’m looking forward to Tuesday. BBQ! Satay! Satay! I suppose not 25 of us will be going bah… Gees, can we ever have full strength for fun and photo taking. Even until the last gathering also cannot is it God?
Always got a few not going de… But today asked Chum he said he going. Cailing and Ong leh… Sianx… I guess we should ask Mr Wong and EYY go bah… surely will be more fun but I think Wong and EYY don’t want de bah… Whatever lah… Magd when you free must go watch the proposal leh…I saw the movie trail liao… I want go see!! I’m waiting for you hor…

This is Ezzati's cupcakes.
I like the rainbow one. :>

This is the one in my stomach now.
I want to taste one again! :D

Cheryl and Jolyn cupcakes!

Sensaciones de la mezcla

2009-08-18T22:20:00.002+08:00

Just check my daily grade. Yeah yeah, Cognitive got 3A at one go. Wooo!!! I love you Mr Wong! :D

Last day of lesson has finally arrived. Gees, am I feeling sad? Hehe, I don’t know. I suppose the feeling has gone numb. Thank god for that. I don’t want to flood Singapore. :>

Anyway, science today was super sianx.
I was feeling tired nowadays despair having 10 hours of sleep. I sleep too much? I don’t think so as my one of my hobby is actually sleeping!

Oh ya, I just get in contact with Jiang Tian. Saturday will be going to Sir Albert house for bible studying. Erm, I suppose I treat it as reunion bah.
Yes, yes, yees! Enterprise got A too!! Hahahaahaha…
My team is getting stronger! God, why are moving to new territories.
RJ comment, “Without a doubt, there will be a lot more changed waiting for you in the future.
Be sure to keep your cool…”
God! I’m not cool at all, is hard to make myself change and change and change.
I’m afraid I might get split personality. Gees, the symptoms…
Good night my friend! Wish me luck for tomorrow UT! :>

PS: I received this email from Agnes. I find it interesting and I would like to share with you. :>

Más pronto

2009-08-11T17:17:00.005+08:00

God, my class full strength today is only 15! Lesson will damn boring. Tomorrow I’m not going for math, got to study for my math and science. UT2 science I got D+, can’t afford to do badly for my UT3. Gees, Thursday, Friday will be having Cognitive and Enterprise, boring. But I suppose is better than math or science. Well, life is not always at the top so I guess my life is going to get boring and down soon. :<

Isn’t It cute? :>
My late Birthday present from Cheryl.

Cumpleaños

2009-08-09T23:47:00.004+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE and HAPPY BIRTHDAY AH GONG!

My ah gong and ah ma.
My ah ma dote me most!
I love her and God please bless her.

I have fun and fed myself well today. :>
These are all my beautiful cousins! Tan and Teng!
But all are black huh? Haha. :D

These are the only Tengs that came.

The three black Tans with me! :D

Hubert’s mouth is free entrance for all flies!

PS: Do you know that the Tan dog is also BLACK?
haha. No offend lah!

El comenzar del fin de semana

2009-08-08T14:53:00.002+08:00

Can you imagine I did this for my last Cognitive module? Haha, this is supposed to be a logo.
God, Ng said these are ginger bread man. :<

This is from my dearest Huda.
Thanks a lot! :> Love you, so please take care of yourself. Don't get yourself from fever again.

Magd, I didn't go and make this again. haha. You know I love to make this kind of things but this time, is a gift from Daniel.

Des! Did you get it together with Agnes?
Haha...I love you guys!

Germaine was sick. One week MC and Chew was worried and he went berserk putting the blame on Cheryl.
Anyway, Germaine get well soon and I will see you during UT3 then! :>

Hmm. A long weekend is starting soon. Des is going to Batam. Daniel is going camping. W47J not planning any outing. :< Sigh, sigh.

Tomorrow am I going to 2nd kuku house for lunch or for dinner? I can't remember, but I know is ah gong birthday, so will be another family outing.
Will we be taking family photo? God no one will said want to take.
I feel that nowadays our family gathering is not that fun anymore. Not the whole family will be going. There will always be a few not going. And those who come were like.
We are just there to entertain. You know the meaning of have fun and gathering?
The feeling was not right.

I miss the past, where we have family gathering. Things are not like that. It is true that when we grow up, the distance we have with our family is just going to drift further?
I understand that when we get older, there are more responsibility, more stuff we need to get it done. Are you sure that we really don’t have time we can spare?
Or was it just we are willing to spend those very little free time we have slacking rather than spending it with those we love?

Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this long weekend and I can enjoy it too!
Enjoy and have fun!
Be Safe! :>

PS: Those that I love, please take care. Don’t get sick.
Take whatever vitamin C you need. :>

Demasiado fuerte, demasiado corto.

2009-08-05T18:02:00.002+08:00

God, my RJ question today is “Today is Week 14 and you will be in different classes soon. What is the one thing that had happened in class or one person that you will remember for a long time. Why?”

Why make me think of leaving W47J again.
I just want this few weeks to be happy. I feel really happy in class this few days.
Today math lesson they said is super sianx and people are leaving one by one. But I never had the thought of leaving class.

Hmm. So you think how I will answer my RJ question? Anyway, I am sure I will miss each and every one.

I will remember Kenneth Chew and Germaine. Though we knew each other not very long, like less than half a year, they made a card for my birthday. I am very touch by what they do. I had friends I knew for like 5 years didn’t even remember my birthday. Another reason I will remember Chew is he is our class “burp king”. He can burp super loud and a dozen time throughout the day. Both of them are also W47J first couple! :>

I will remember Huda too. She is the first person that drew something for me. Not on my birthday or any other special day. She just drew it for me because she wanted to and she can draw perfectly well. Thomas Lau I will remember too. He is my first and only Caucasian friend. He is not a petty person, he can take jokes. No matter how I make fun of him like calling him “ang mo” he will not get angry. Of course I will remember Nazree too. He is the first person I know in RP and also my first team mate. I will never forget how we from enemy become friends.
When I drink ribena or 7-up I will remember cai ling and ong. When I saw football I will think of chum. When I saw 夹娃机(catch doll machine) I will definitely think of FIN! When I saw yellow I will think of hui yan. When I saw glass bottle I remember sugar. When I meet any Malay that can understand Chinese, immediately I will said I have friends that can too. Haha, I will boast Fadz, Ezzati, Helmin and Dyni. Hahahahahaha..when I saw nerdy I will surely remember Alicia and Ng.

I really like my class a lot. This is the best class I ever been to and the time we spend together are just too short. I seriously don’t mind spending 3 years of RP life with them.

PS: See what FIN caught for ME! Love you FIN!

mi día feliz

2009-08-04T20:39:00.006+08:00

See my msn pm yesterday? Indeed today is a HAPPY day. In class today, I saw something in my bag. God, tears started running down the moment I pick it up. I was so touched. I really didn’t expect Chew and Germaine will make me a card. God, this is the best birthday present I ever receive. Other than THANK YOU, I don’t know what else to say. TRCC tomorrow, my treat!

Another meaningful gift I got is from Madeleine, my cousin. It is a message written by her. I suppose everybody like to receive gift that are made especially for them. It is more sincere and the effort and time they put in, it is all that what people usually want to receive.

I am impressed by Huda drawing. It is not easy to draw the eyes. She can draw this memerising eyes, God, I don't know what to say.

Can you guess who is this?

To end this day, I want to say THANK YOU to:
Germaine and Chew
Madeleine
Huda
And to those who wishes me and blessed me.

Lo sé, tan apenas dejo ser

2009-08-03T17:11:00.000+08:00

Today is super HAPPY too! God deep inside my heart, I really don’t wish you to let me enjoy myself so much with W47J. The more I love them will make depart harder for me. God, the SYD! Can he stop being so observant? Whatever he said is really the worst things I ever want to acknowledge the fact of ME. There are things that I really refused to acknowledge. There are 3 things I hate people telling me because it only makes me extra inferior.

1) You can speak English, is only you don’t have the confidence to speak.
2) In fact you are pretty if you can slim down.
3) Why are your hands so wet?

So, if you really think so, just THINK do not TELL me!

Eso va mi fin de semana

2009-08-02T13:13:00.000+08:00

Yesterday went to AMK hub with my aunt and cousins. Barry birthday is coming so, he get whatever he wants. Hmm…I suppose his taste is about the same as me. The things he bought yesterday, I like all of them. Thanks God for turning Adeline more girly. She bought a pouch! A poker dots pouch! This is a big improvement man. If she not she always bought blue and boyish stuffs.

Sigh, actually the two tee she bought is nice. But my stomach is getting bigger! So I don’t think that can cover it much, so I didn’t buy. Nowadays, I’m wearing two shirts. It is to make it not so obviously big…

God, I really need a lot money to keep myself high maintain! I’m getting 18 SOON!
God please let me dad get a job soon! SOON!

mente qué usted quiere decir

2009-07-31T22:19:00.000+08:00

So far this week is HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY! The day end fast and this week is going to be like a routine for me. Gees, I remember how I used to hate routine. But after knowing that I belong to ISFJ, well, I might work better with routine.

Well, part of me is feeling so HAPPY and another part of me is like, I am at the line in the middle of Happiness and Hell. I might fall to HELL any moment. Just by receiving any comment or when things did not follow the way I want it to be, I become upset. I think a lot these days. in fact, I usually think a lot. I suppose this is nothing to boast about because what I always think is just…unnecessary suffering…

Mind what you want to say to me. I am on the edge of breaking down.

La vida está cambiando

2009-07-28T20:32:00.001+08:00

Cognitive today is cool. Mr Wong let us choose our own team. He said because last three lessons. God, why are unhappy things always keep reminding us. Okay, I don’t want to think about it as it only makes me cry.

By the way, I wonder why the couples group left out yi da. I suppose he don’t mind but, to me if my friends like that, I will feel like they are not my friend lor. Haha. I got my own perception on what friends are. To me, my friends are ever thing to me, so I believe I choose who my friends are well. ya, so in fact I don’t have much friends, acquaintance I got lots of it.

You know what I’m so happy that I already got 10 CE points. But when yao jia said she got 14! Argh, I got to go for talks! So, I went for a talk with Daniel, fadz, Cheryl, aimee and mei xing. I never pay attention to the talk at all. God, I realise my self-discipline is getting worse ever since I get in to RP. In fact, I don’t think I have any discipline anymore.

God, life has change. :<

Ignite? :<

2009-07-25T22:42:00.003+08:00

Ignite today was like, I suppose not even 200 people bah? I went there with Huda and Cheryl. Call Thomas, he said he not coming, but msn he said “maybe” going. So I suppose I don’t understand the meaning of maybe bah. Then call Chew, he not going also. Lastly call Nazi, he going. So we went there find him. Good lor, he has a girl with me. So don’t disturb him, we didn’t even finish one song then went off liao. It was so sianx lor. The singer kept shouting through the mic and he was like not that rock type de lor. Huda said this was like metal type. Anyway it is damn suck lor.

We went off to causeway point again. Guess what, 3 of us were still wanted to take neo-print. Haha. I can’t even remember when the last time I took it. In the past, whenever we walked pass a neo-print shop, we must definitely take it.
By the way, I had already decided to cut my fringe short. I don’t care who is going to cut for me. Either of them just got to do it! :<

PS: Daniel, I’m in love with To Zanarkand. Next time go your house you play for us again ok? Ask Desmond video it. I will see you soon!
Miss you guys! :>

Otra memoria

2009-07-24T19:40:00.011+08:00

W47J Formal Wear on Thursday!

All F-O-R-M-A-L...

Notice the Faci is Mr Wong now! He is the only one that is not in Formal wear! :D

Finally the "informal"! Yeah!
:>

W47J Couple Soon???

Cheryl and Me!

God, I look like an idiot in this!
Gees, it was at Facebook!

Here come W47J Act Cute King And Queen!

This is HILARIOUS!

Apenas estoy intentando ser perfecto

2009-07-23T21:38:00.003+08:00

Formal wear for all of us! :> Pictures will be uploaded once ezzati upload…

I swear I will not dress up like this ever again. I will get some real decent formal wear when I got the 2 most essential things. 1 is money another is, erm, those who know me will know. :>
Proposal had finally do finish, so nothing much in my mind right now other than worrying for the coming Oral. God, seriously, I just want this whole thing to end. Is like I so regret retaking it. No use I will still get C6 or maybe even worse. :<

If I got a better grade, I also don’t know what I want to change the course to. I don’t have any goals for my future career. I don’t even know what I want to work as. Just pass the days as it is. I just want to be happy, to be content. But god knows I was never satisfied with what I have. Nothing makes me feel happy or satisfied for a long time. I mean those happiness I thought I have does not last in me. But, I’m trying to keep my life each day as a happy memory.

CY and I went Seoul Garden to eat. After that we were like so stink. Even my bag stinks like hell. I got to wash it. So tomorrow is, laptop on hands.

While I was looking at our dessert, something came across my mind. It is obvious my dessert looks better right? Haha. :D But it was tasteless. This reminds me of us, humans. The better one doesn’t mean it is the good want. In fact CY the “colourful” dessert looks ugly, but she said taste nice. haha CY so you look better doesn’t mean you are better than me in some sense. So do yaya papaya ok? Haha… No offends! :>

So I was wondering, if this is so, why am I always chasing for my perfect image? I just want to be perfect. Even if it kills me, I still want to die in perfect. This is really what I think.

Can you “judge” which one is better?

She was eating, but was she happy?

People are always tempted but what he/she don’t have.

Only pretending to like something, see the eyes, and everything is given away.

We are just chasing the same thing
only in a different way.

Which is to be P-E-R-F-E-C-T.?

Muchacho del piano

2009-07-22T21:09:00.003+08:00

Long ago, I already knew that he can play piano and he is at grade 8. But when I heard him played yesterday, oh my god! I never knew it was that well. The music play, River flows in you, I suppose is the hottest now, any guy play it right now will be vividly as Edward Cullen! I still prefer To Zanarkand! Dotz… I suppose I don’t even know all this. Is Daniel taught de. So don’t ask me where this To Zanarkand came from!

Well, I believe that a guy that can play a music instruments can really melt a girl’s heart. What I’m trying to say is that not only piano, saxophone or guitar can make you look… I don’t know, just find guys that can play looks more attractive. Gees, what am I thinking?

By the way, that was this guy I saw in the morning. He caught my eyes the moment I saw him at OSC. I was like keep looking at him till I forgot to take my thermometer out. I walked until in front of the guard that I realise. But he was really…ok that type I will like. Like those types where Louis Koo fall.

Ok, enough of all these nonsense. Oh, ya, I got to wear formal tomorrow! God, I saw those people who wear formal today. It was like those working at the bank. There were a minority of them even wore a tie! Mr Eng said if we didn’t wear formal tomorrow, we will be downgrade as to be fair to those who wear. So jean is considered not formal! God this left me no other option.

I just chat with lao da and wei bin. So happy! I miss that so much. I suppose I am those who cannot get attach to someone and what make it bad was, I am those who get easily attach to someone. Lao da, wei bin, wang lin and W47J, I knew them for like, less than a month and the feeling was like I knew them for years! God, god, god! I don’t want to lose any of them. I can bear any changes too!

See, see. Des made this for me. Ok des! I admit is I “asked” you to make de. But you can favour Daniel only right? Hehe. Double check my url again.

Anyway, T-H-A-N-K Y-O-U and I L-O-V-E Y-O-U guys!

Salvador

2009-07-16T19:31:00.001+08:00

My last UT 2 today. And something happened to my laptop. I found out that I can’t log in at 3.15pm and I started to panic as it was going to be less than an hour before UT starts. Cheryl went to IT Helpdesk with me at the library and F. The helper said here is for senior and there is another Helpdesk for the year 1 student at the other side, which is the north. Ok, I only there are two IT Helpdesk one at the library and another at my block basement. Yeah, time is running and we got to run around the school like two crazy fatty. When we reach W4, god the helper said is at the North of library not here.

I was like, WTF. Where the hell is north? Gees, after studying in RP for weeks I still cannot figure it out where is the north, south, east, west. So malu, got to run back. By the time when there is someone to help me is was 3.35pm. got to ask Cheryl went back herself if not 3.45pm we can’t get back to class for UT. God, the helper estimate that he needed about 15 minutes to fix it, that means I will not be able to make it back to class.

To make matter worse, the lift was set to only up to level 3. F, my class is at level 7. Don’t expect me to climb up. But, Cheryl called just in time, she will bring Faci card down to help me. God, this faci is like so kind. Today is just my first lesson with him and he is offering help. I really appreciate his help. As there are about 6 students at level 3 can’t get the lift go up and the faci which were also there, heck care lor. I really didn’t expect this faci to be so good as I kept comparing him with Michael Ong ever since morning. But, right now. I think things had changed.
PS: Gees, I still don’t know what is the faci name…

bendiga

2009-07-15T17:49:00.006+08:00

God, I realise one thing today. I might not be perfect but my life is perfect! Well, there are always high and low in life but I guess mostly is high for me.

There are people I like, people I hate. But mostly I love. And I know who really care and love me. I really do know.

Gees, my class, love you and hate you guys more each day.

Any changes now are too much for me. W47J is really different from my previous classes.

Well, I don’t know is because I have grown up and the ways I handle and understand things are different therefore I feel this way. Anyway is really different.

I treasure everything in my life more now, compare to the past. everything, I mean every thing. The books and shows I get to watch. Pingu and greeny. I cherish those arguing, quarrel with Chew, Chum, Nazi. I cherish Fin disturbing, Lookman lame joke, Thomas’s ang mo face, the class burping!

I won’t forget this moment. Don’t you forget it! :)

Love you guys! :)

PS: Gees, I’m the gossiping machine. Ok, I admit I love to gossip.

Erm, I said whatever I wanted to. Hence, I might offend someone. If I ever said anything that make you feel offended, I am sorry.

Genuino

2009-07-09T18:22:00.002+08:00

God, I almost forget the pain of parting with one I love and respect. Though we did not have a tearful parting at the class just now, I believe every one of us will sort of feeling upset. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having lesson with Michael Ong. In fact, the thought of changing new class, new facilitators, and these thoughts is more than I can bear.

W47J, Ms Janice Quah, Mr Wong, Mr Michael Ong and Ms Urvi Maniar were those that helped me in some ways to adapt to my whole new RP life. The next semester, everything is changing, a brand new start. I don’t know will I went crazy for trying to fit in. gees, I just hate changes!

Thank you for walking through this crucial part of my life with me.

I truly love you all.

día cansado

2009-07-07T18:22:00.002+08:00

Well, this week to me was quite boring. Everything was as usual. Anyway, yesterday I don’t know why, I am so tired that I sleep from 8pm all the way to next day, 6.30am. Gees, it was so nice. I can’t remember when the last time I sleep so well was. I feel like sleeping now, but later Okto, 8pm, is showing My Classmate Dad Season 2. In season 1, Mark Lee is so funny. However, I think only the first few episode of the season 1 were funny, the rest will ok ok only.

Today my RJ question is “analyze yourself”. So should I list down all the truth, friction or a mixture of it?

The truth is I believe I have a gift for knowing what will make a person feel better about the world and themselves. I have a great memory for things, places and events, their curious details and the relationships between them. More than this, I also remember what was both good and bad about the right things. Haha, I suppose this skills show in my ability to give no nonsense advice and aid to others.

When I have dislike with someone, I will try to find pleasing ways to settle differences and to find the most satisfying solutions to both others and my difficulties. Usually I will know exactly the right thing to do or say to make things better.

For my weakness, usually I may be unable to acknowledge or hear anything that goes against my certainty about the “correct” or “right” way to do things or how things should be. I may be unable to understand verbal logic and quickly cut off other’s explanations. I may favour my judgements to the point that I am unable to notice the pain or difficulty such judgements might cause others. Hence, I will react with anger or distress when someone express disapproval of my judgements or disagreement with my view of the world.

So guys know me well and don’t criticize me!

Srta. usted porciones

2009-07-03T22:02:00.003+08:00

I had just finishing preparing for Cognitive UT 2 next Wednesday.

Almost reading, book 2 of The Power of Five: Evil Star, by Anthony Horowitz.

Lucky I got my 3rd book with me. :)

I can’t wait till Wednesday to see 老大 and WL.

Miss them lots! :(
Oh ya, 老大 congratulations on your promotion! :D

Is it true that Nini is really not going to contact us anymore? :x
Gees, today relief faci remind me of her. I miss her.

"The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have"

Mi día

2009-07-02T21:59:00.001+08:00

I don’t know today is what a day to me. Early in the morning, so many embarrass things happened. In the bus to school, I am holding on the pole so tight and my hands are “dripping”! It was so embarrass as the people holding the same pole as me were staring. I can’t move my hands away too, the bus kept turning. Gees, I think God can’t do anything to help me. I was freak out and I only realise I was breathing so loud when I’m alone in the lift.

Later in class was fun and enjoyable throughout. Alicia brought the electric bottle of sweets. Most of them get tricked. Chum was funny as he has the sound effect. Huda didn’t even dare to wash her hands. What irritated me was that Thomas kept “arguing” with Michael Ong. I really do like Mr Ong as our facilitator. Though most of the facilitators are nagging, I think all of my facilitators are quite okay. No, no, I think except Goh.

Sigh. We will be changing classes and facilitators next semester. God is only another 6weeks. I hate changes. Why things can’t always be the same? I am really starting to love everything in my life right now and you want to change it. Meaning, I got to go through everything again. I am not the kind of person that can easily adapt. I need time to do so. And tell you, I don’t like to pretend that I love/enjoy something. But sometime the situations force me to keep up the pretence. I wonder sometime in life, can I really abandon all the pretence.

Walk to causeway point to meet Magd and Adeline with two couples and two acquaintances. Ezzati is so funny and considerate. She was afraid that I might feel lonely to walk alone behind and that. Anyway, I really do feel so extra, like a light bulb. The truth is I don’t care. I don’t want to walk alone to causeway point. So please pretend that it is dark.

Then my cousins and I went to Sakae for dinner. During the meal, we then figure that we shouldn’t have buffet. A la carte will be more worth as we don’t eat that much. Don’t care, don’t think. Then go shop for clothes. The truth is I don’t really like shopping clothes with my cousins. Why? Not because is not fun with them. I feel so inferior when I saw them trying and picking those dresses. Don’t ask me why, if you know me you would understand.

No soy todava perfecto

E-learning

2009-06-26T17:04:00.003+08:00

My school all of the year 1 students had been quarantine! So we got to used e-learning at home. This morning it was 18 cases of students getting H1N1 but now it has increases to 23 cases. Scary lor…

Anyway, today is my 2nd time using e-learning. It was actually better then yesterday as today faci actually discuss with us in msn. It was the faci I dislike. I never detested a faci so much before. Well like what Fadzilah said, there is always the first. This faci, Cedric Tan from CCC, is so fussy. Everyone got to fit to his expectation if not got to redo!

Whee! Chew can stand him. Chew redo for 3 times? I really can’t stand him. Lucky got Chew and Sugar, I admire both of them. They can restrain themselves from arguing back the faci. I don’t have that much restriction as they do.

After today I don’t think I will be looking forward to another e-learning section. I am willing to go to school now. Msn with Mr Wong? I can’t imagine that? He will at msn correct you and ai yo ai yo at there. Sigh…

I promise to work with anyone you put me with.
I promise to discuss the worksheet questions together.
I promise to pay attention in all the teams’ presentation.I promise not to use facebook or msn in class.

God, please just reopen school soon!

Ps: Guys, a minute silent for our forever king of pop, Michael Jackson.

Up&down

2009-06-24T20:09:00.000+08:00

Clap claps…my new Blog! A new blog, a new start for me, hope that it will only be full of happy posts! Life for me is like a routine, but is fun. I love it! I finally understand what it means when people always said “life has it up and down”. Starting of this year, life for me is not very good. In fact, I think it is at the worst of it. No matter is family, friendship or school, all is F**k…

However, things are starting to go up for me again! I’m starting to love my class more each day, I enjoy spending time with them. When I’m with W47J, time flies! I can’t bear to leave them for the next class. Just so feel detested! At the begging of the few modules, I find it very hard to communicate with Nazi and Chew. These two are the one that always get into the same team as me. I dislike them and I guess they don’t like me too. But, after a few weeks with Chew and Nazi, I love being in the same team with them. I don’t know why. Maybe is I’m used to their working style or I just change my perception on them.
I am now able to work better with them.

I don’t wish to change class. It will mean that I got to go through all of these again. To work with this person, starting to know him/her better, trying to fit into his/her expectations, know the person fully well and starting to get along. Then by the time I am attach to my new class, then my year 2 is going to start. Meaning, changing class again!

I am just so attach to W47J! I don’t want changes! No changes please!

2009-06-24T18:41:00.000+08:00

Will be back with a proper post soon!